Tag Archive for: nlp

How To Find a Great Coach? Start With This Question.

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No one wants a lemon. Find a great coach!

 

When I started coaching back in 1999, coaching wasn’t really that popular. People would ask me what I did for a living and I would say, “I’m a life coach with Tony Robbins” and about half of the time they would respond with, “so what do you coach? basketball, softball, football?”

Things have definitely changed in the last 20 years. It seems there are coaches everywhere; life coaches, health coaches, nutrition coaches, business coaches, real estate coaches, career coaches, sales coaches, marketing coaches, financial coaches and my wife and I even hired a “Baby Whisperer” coach when we needed some better strategies to help my baby girl to sleep through the night!

With all of the coaches looking for your business, sometimes it seems like car ads on TV. It can be hard to know who is a “great coach” versus a “not so great” coach. Who can a person trust when looking for help? After all, a person is not only putting their hard-earned money on the line, but more importantly, their mental & emotional health, thoughts, problems and the deep intimate details of their personal life!

With one question, you can find the best personal coach for you. The first time you talk to him or her, ask, “I want to hire you as my coach, when can we start?”

Their answer will tell you everything you need to know.

Let me explain. I am a Master Practitioner in the science of NLP, Time Line Therapy & Hypnosis. Those skills help people clear up deep emotional issues preventing them from success. Imagine a person coming to me and asking, “James, what’s a great book on NLP?”  If I was a mediocre coach, I would jump to conclusions or infer what you wanted and would respond with, “The Structure of Magic” 

As a “great coach” I would respond with, “What is your outcome for reading a book on NLP?”  Once we figured that out, then I would respond based on your outcomes. For example, I might answer: “A great book on NLP & Sales is Persuasion Engineering.  For the entire NLP Practitioner training, look for The User’s Manual for the Brain and for a great NLP motivational book reach for Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins.”

A great coach will work to understand you, your goals and your needs FIRST. A great coach will not jump to a conclusion, hence the response, “What is your outcome for the book?”

When it comes to hiring an executive coach or a life coach, a “not so great” coach will enroll you right there on the spot and say, “Sure, I would love to work with you!” But, how do they know that they even have the skills and tools necessary to help you achieve your goals? They don’t even know if the goals and problems you have are within the scope of their coaching practice.

The best coaches will respond with a “Before we proceed, what are your outcomes for coaching?” They will also offer some complimentary time to take you through some sort of process to uncover your goals and obstacles preventing your success. For instance in my coaching practice, I offer a complimentary, 60-minute, “Success-Now” session* to take you through a 5-Step Coaching Process (next week’s post). During this call, we go through your goals, obstacles and success strategies.

“Great coaches” aren’t just looking for clients to fill their practice, they are looking for successful clients. They take the time to understand the prospective client’s goals and obstacles. They determine if they have the right skills, tools and strategies to help that client create the changes they want. And once they know they are the right fit for what the client needs, they move forward. This is what makes the difference between an average coach and a great coach.

Finding a great coach can be a simple, easy process. Look for a personal coach who will spend time upfront with you before ever asking for your business. If he or she can’t take the time now to look at what your goals are and the obstacles you are facing, keep walking. You may end up paying for a coach that can’t deliver the results you want.

 

 

*If you know of anyone needing help and support to overcome the obstacles holding them back from more success in life, they can set up a complimentary “Success-Now” at www.evolutionforsuccess.com.

Do You Hate Hallmark Holidays? Unleash New Passion on Valentine’s Day!

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Up the passion in your relationshipsIs it time to shake things up in your love life and create more passion, fun, and  intimacy?  Relationships can’t be sustained on past memories or with the same gifts year after year.  So step outside of the ‘Hallmark-Have-tos” and do something different this year!    

Tony Robbins® likes to say, “Your life is a direct reflection of the quality of questions you ask yourself every moment of the day.”  As an Executive Business Coach, one of the foundations of my practice is asking powerful, engaging questions.  So here are 3 simple questions that will unlock new passion in your relationship on Valentine’s Day this year.

Before Valentine’s Day, ask your partner these 3 questions and look for his or her response to each question.  Which one elicits a more emotional response? (Note: these are NLP-neuro linguistic programming based questions; use emotion!)

In order to know you are totally loved, is it necessary for you:

  1. To be taken places and bought things, or to be looked at in a certain way? 
  2. OR is it necessary for you to hear certain words or a certain tone of voice?
  3. OR is it necessary for you to be touched a certain way, held, or have some type of physical contact? 

Everyone has a preferred love strategy.  And the way to get your partner more motivated this Valentine’s Day is to make sure you love her in her way, not yours.  Relationships grow and real love happens when you give to your partner in their own “love language”. 

Based on your partner’s response, here are some simple tips:

LOOK:  If he or she responds more to being bought gifts, taken places, or being looked at in a certain way, focus your energy on going out to dinner, buying that special gift or presenting her with a bouquet of flowers.  Give him or her a visual representation of your love, whether it’s in the way you look at her all glammed up at dinner or in a physical reminder of how much she means to you.  

HEAR:  If on the other hand, your partner seems to care much more about your words, reach for your pen!  Your love note will hit its mark.  But don’t stop there.  Make a concerted effort to reach out throughout the day on that day and share your feelings. 

TOUCH:  If your partner is more of a touchy-feely person, you might want to skip the greeting card and reach for the massage oil!  In any case, make a point to connect with him or her in a physical way at some point in the day.  Snuggle first thing before waking up, hold her hand on the way to dinner, don’t keep your distance… Find a way to help her feel what she means to you.

Relationship Coaching to improve the passion in your relatiionshipsFor more ideas on loving your partner in their own Love Language, check out my other post on the 5 Love Languages. 

Stop the Hallmark insanity. Invest in your relationship and create your own passion this Valentine’s Day!  

…And guys, here is a coaching tip for you!  If “Talk” is her top Love Language, link a new habit with an existing habit.  Pick up a few extra cards, put them in your glove box and when you take your car for an oil check, they will be a reminder for you to create an impromptu Valentine’s Day for her. She deserves to be appreciated more than once a year!  

Say What??? Shake Up Your Beliefs with NLP Pattern Interrupts

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Using a “Pattern Interrupt”, an NLP Technique, is a great way of initiating change in your behavior.  It creates a virtual Hiccup in your thought process so that your normal pattern of behavior is interrupted and you can consciously insert a new belief that leads to an action.

Humor is a fantastic tool to incorporate into the Pattern Interrupt because it links up a “fun” state to the new behavior you choose to take afterwards. Here are a few fun pattern interrupts that have come up with clients lately.

Belief: a “Waste not, want not” attitude in regards to food at dinner.

“You can Waste it, or Waist it, which waist do you want?”

Belief: I am too tired to get up in the morning.

“It is a simple matter of mind over mattress.”

Belief: I’ll start tomorrow, I meant to do that, or I was going to…

“When would NOW be a good time to start?”

Belief: I don’t know.

“I know I don’t know what I don’t know now, but if I did know now, what would I know to do?”

Belief:  We argue all the time.

“This is a great opportunity for discussion.”

Belief: I hate this!

“This situation is truly less that favorable!”

And my favorite:

Belief: It’s not in my job description, I shouldn’t have to do it.

“If you don’t stay sharp and on point, like the tip of a spear, all you get in the end is the shaft.”

 

Pattern Interrupts can be a great tool for not only changing your state but the emotional state of others also. The shock value of not giving a “typical” response is what ignites the opportunity for change to happen in patterns of thought. Adding humor is like adding gas to the fire!

Have fun creating some pattern interrupts for yourself.  I would love to hear yours below.

 

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Use NLP To Take Control of Your Bad Days

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Having a Tough Day?  If you are, chances are you are acting in one of these different behavior patterns. The science of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), holds that a person is not their behavior. However, if you’re having a tough day — and even the best of us has been there at one point or another–, it is time to change your behavior to get some different results.

See if your bad day is a result of one of the following behavioral patterns, take responsibility for where you are and create a Powerful Change!

1-  Victim: the victim plays the blame game, noticeable by a very low tolerance for handling the problems and challenges in life.  He or she is reluctant to take responsibility, pushing it off instead on others. Often, feeling that they are a “victim of circumstance”, they don’t believe they have any control  over the circumstances they find themselves in.

SOLUTION: Ask, “What do I want to have? And, what do I have direct control/influence over in order to make that happen?”  Take any small action now and make sure to appreciate the action taken, no matter how small.

2-  Quitter: quitters tend to be out of touch with self and others around them. Quitters hide out in the shadows away from the group. They are easily distracted, do not commit, believe the effort is not worth the reward, and talk themselves out of what they most desire.

SOLUTION: Confront yourself with a detailed plan and get in touch with your emotions around following through with it

3-  Wizard of Oz: The Wizard of Oz’s believe that there is reward without action. They believe in the “Secret” and the “Law of Attraction”  If they just believe with enough will power, things will happen. They believe in shaping the future but they just “hope” it will become so. They believe the answer is out there, somewhere over the rainbow, somehow, some way it is going to happen.

SOLUTION: Get grounded in the reality of the situation now and add Action to the optimism and hope that good things will come. Engage in the pursuit of the worthy goal along with the beliefs that somewhere, somehow, your dreams will come true.

4-  Worry Wart: Fear takes over the worry wart. They focus most of their energy on what may happen, instead of looking at what they want to make happen. Fear means a person is not prepared for something they perceive may happen in the future. Many times there is too much focus on what they “don’t” want to happen.

SOLUTION: Say it the way you want the future to be.  Engage in a little more of the “over the rainbow” traits.  Take action and engage some faith and hope that your actions will bring you the results you most desire and if needed, build a back-up plan to deal with what you fear might happen in the future.

5-  Run-a-Way: the Run-a-way is stuck in a place of Busy-ness instead of taking the time to focus on what is most important in the Busi-ness of their life. They take massive action without a clear focus on the long term outcomes. They engage in what they know they can do easily and effortlessly in the short term and never take on the real problems they are facing.

SOLUTION: build a vision so you know your long term outcome.  Brain dump everything in your mind that you should do, could do, need to do and ought to do. Focus on the top 10% of those items that will bring you 90% of your success. Hint: What you are fearing and procrastinating the most, or what seems the hardest, is the action you should be working towards achieving.

6-  Actor: the actor works to show that everything is always perfect in their world. For them, it is a challenge to face the truth and live in a way that others may not approve. Actors do not have their own opinions and are always agreeable to what others do. They have to keep up with Jones’ and will do anything to put on a good show for others.

SOLUTION: Stop believing what others think you should be, do and have and define it for yourself.  Be brave and bold within yourself.  Find and reconnect with your own truth, your personal mission or purpose in life.  Forget what everyone else thinks of you and your public persona.  Engage and act your personal truth. If you are effective with that, you will be causing some talk and speculation.

7-  Bull in a China Shop: The bull keeps on looking for breakthroughs but is never truly transformed because they are not celebrating their own results and what is precious in their life now! Bulls have a hard time being satisfied with themselves. They think being the strongest and showing it off is the only way to win. They also seek approval from being the top dog and will do anything to get there.

SOLUTION: become satisfied with yourself for who you are and where you are on your path of life right now…stop, enjoy, and smell the roses like Ferdinand the Bull!

 

If you are having a bad day, chances are, one of these NLP personas will hold the key to getting you to a better day! Remember that you are not your behavior. If you don’t like your results, you have a choice!

Failure, anger, and frustration most often signal the opportunity to stop and ask, “which one of these traits am I stuck in?”  You probably already know which of these you tend to gravitate to.  I encourage you to not have the goal or intention of never being there again, instead, just find quicker and quicker ways to move through the disempowering states you do encounter. Flip those bad days around!  Chose to move through these behavior patterns and come out the other side, better, stronger and more successful!

 

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