Tag Archive for: beliefs

10 Top Tips to Stay Motivated and Focused this week…

in , ,

Stay motivated with these 10 motivational tips

Ever seem a little scattered? Do your business goals seem elusive and just out of reach? Are you frustrated at the end of the day because you never completed what you needed to? Are you so scattered that you don’t even have time to read this post? If so, then here are the Top Ten Tips to stay focused this week…

10. Answer the question, “What is the specific result I am focused on achieving this week?”

Without a clear destination you can’t get where you want to go. Imagine getting in a plane and just taking off to “go somewhere.” Use the SMART goals format to define your destination. Simple & Specific, Measurable & Meaningful, As if Now & Action oriented, Reasonable & Realistic, and Timed Towards what you desire. Specific is Success!

9. Get Motivated by Listing all the emotional reasons “WHY” you want to get to your destination.

When a goal is set in place…so are the obstacles that will be needed to be overcome. This will take energy and energy lies in generating the emotional “WHY” we want it. For ourselves, our kids, our spouse; dig down deep into that well of emotion and let it all gush forth. For extra credit, link up your life purpose to the goal and your identity to really get some power.

8. Find New People:

You are where you are, in part, due to the peer group you have around you. My workout buddy in the morning is the best. We both push each other. We are doing the Insanity workout and just this morning as we were completing our workout, he asked if I wanted to get in an additional 15 minute “pump” on the weights. He pushes me even when I’m tired and am ready to be done. I reciprocate by making sure I am at the gym every morning before he is. That way, he knows he has to bring the DVD’s or he will let me down by not showing up. We both add value to each other in different ways.

7. Clear Your Clutter

Get rid of anything that isn’t supporting your success. There needs to be emptiness in order for something new to come into your life. If a woman wants a man in her life but is sleeping at night with extra pillows and her pets…there’s no room for a man in her bed. If a guy doesn’t clean out 3/4 of his closet, get an extra toothbrush, have his/hers towels, and cleans out two dresser drawers, how will there be space for a woman to come into his life? Clear out your junk and make room!

6. Define & Master a Single Core Skill

Focus on changing one specific behavior that will move you towards your goal. You can prepare to walk/run all day with the right shoes, the music, playlists, weather, timing, treadmill or outside, determining your routes, estimating your time; but in the end all you have to master is putting one foot in front of the other for an extended period of time. Master taking one 8-10 inch step at a time with good form and posture.

5. Get comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

Let’s say a person wants to reduce their weight. They will need to get comfortable being uncomfortable. When they “FEEL” uncomfortable because their stomach grumbles and they would normally go for some food, how can they start to feel comfortable with that moment and appreciate it instead of dread it? (This leads to #4)

4. Find a new, more empowering belief

Using the example above, when the stomach rumbles and they start to “FEEL” uncomfortable, insert a new belief for the old one. If the normal process is: stomach rumbles, the person says, “I’m starving to death and gotta eat” interrupt that self talk with, “excellent, that means that I must be thirsty” and then take a new action and drink water. (Sounds silly but I did that when I lost 60 lbs over 20 years ago and it still serves me to this day!)

3. Create Small Reminders

If you have a bigger goal of a trip, weight loss, business goals, etc. remember that where your focus goes your energy flows. Change your passwords to reflect your goals: ToughMudderNov2018, StBarth2017, CollegePaidinFull, Beachretirement2035, and BE CREATIVE. Put pictures on your mirror, in the shower, above your bed, in the bathroom, dash of the car, create reminders everywhere. These small reminders will help you stay focused and on track.

2. Create Quiet time to Focus

I recently read an article stating the main reason most small businesses fail is because of lack of planning. Strategic, purposeful thinking can only be done in a quiet setting and it should be done consistently (preferably a block of time weekly and even daily!) In order to create this space…find somewhere outside of your normal office, etc. (I have a client who uses a study room at his local library, no one finds him there) This will avoid the trap of the business running the person instead of the person running the business. During this scheduled quiet time see point #1.

1. Master Fear Management

I don’t care if you are the CEO of a Fortune 50 or a small solopreneur. In today’s competitive market the need to be innovative, creative and flexible creates HUGE uncertainty. Uncertainty breeds FEAR. Fear can be present due to change happening in the negative, ie going bankrupt and also the positive, ie problems that arise from rapid growth and expansion. Master Your Fears. Embrace them everyday because if you succumb to FEAR it will only lead to low self confidence, being motivated by necessity instead of possibility and worst of all, create a scarcity mentality. MASTER FEAR by doing at least one specific task everyday that you fear the most in your business. Eat Uncertainty and Fear for Breakfast to earn your dessert after dinner.

BONUS TIP:

Get an unconditional form of support to keep you on track…like an Executive Business Coach. (You know I had to plug that in!) Regardless of whether it’s me or not, no one earns a Grammy, an Emmy or an Oscar and stands on the stage during the acceptance speech and says, “I DID IT ALL MYSELF!” They all have people to thank…people who believed in them, provided support in those troubled moments of doubt, uncertainty and FEAR and pushed them to stay focused on their dreams and goals.

FOCUS!

To your continued success,

James

Which Beliefs Drive You? Harnessing Empowering Beliefs to Reach your Goals.

in , ,

Which Beliefs Drive You? Harnessing the power of empowering beliefs to reach your goals

When we look at people who have reached a goal we also aspire to achieve, we often ask ourselves the wrong question.

I recently recorded a TV documentary on the National Ironman Triathlon held in Hawaii every year. That goal is still on my bucket list, and as I watched, I found myself asking the wrong question almost immediately.

“How do they train for such an ultimate test of physical endurance?”

The answer of course, lies in hundreds of training books and online resources. The first question out of people’s mouths when I lost 60 pounds in college was “How did you do that?” As for the goals and New Year’s Resolutions that you have set, it is easy to find out “how” to do something. As a matter of fact, you can find out “How” to do almost anything in the world with today’s technology; just ask “Google”

So, if “how” is the wrong question to ask, what is the right question?

The short interview with the eighty five year old man racing in the Ironman brought me back to my senses. Before the “How?” question, I needed to ask “What or Why?”

“What drove him? or Why was he able to train for such an ultimate test of physical endurance?”

The answer was simple. He had a simple life belief: “Go anaerobic once a day.” He believed in being active and pushing himself once a day into an anaerobic state while exercising.

“What drives me to run marathons consistently, or why am did I train to run ultramarathons?” One of my beliefs is that running is the most whole and complete personal experience. It is mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually fulfilling.

I run consistently because I believe that doing something that provides a whole and complete experience makes me a better husband, father, executive coach, and person.

Buried within the “What’s and Why’s” are the BELIEFS that will bridge the gap between setting the goal and learning “How” to do it.

Everyone knows “how” to lose weight. The true challenge for people is that they are not connected enough to the “What and Why” (the beliefs and rules) that have allowed others to succeed. They have not adopted those beliefs and rules as their own.

If you have not set some goals for this year, ask yourself, “What could I accomplish this year that would be the most mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually fulfilling experience for me?”  If you have your goals, but are already struggling with sticking to those New Year’s resolutions, look at someone who has achieved those results. Put the question of “How have they accomplished it?” on pause for a minute, and instead, ask yourself the much more essential question of “What drove them?” and “Why did they achieve this goal?” Seek out the beliefs that have allowed them to succeed and make them your own.

And then, and only then ask, “How did they do it?” Once you have adopted empowering beliefs, taking action will become much easier.

Enjoy your very own Ironman!

 

Challenge your limiting beliefs!

in , ,

You have heard the question “If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?”.

Well, I have another question for you:

“If you have a limiting belief but refuse to think about it, do you still have a problem?”

The mind is an interesting muscle.  Once it assigns a meaning to a particular situation or event, it starts building additional thoughts and beliefs to justify that initial meaning.  For better or for worse.

Years ago, I had a limiting belief that I could not run;  it hurt my knees too much. I built a wall of beliefs around that belief to justify my not running.  Then one day I decided to challenge it by running two miles, walking a mile, and running one more.  I chose a new belief: “I can run three miles.”  In that moment, I refused to think my old limiting belief and replaced it with another one.  And, my mind responded like it always does; it started to look for new beliefs and thoughts to strengthen that new belief. I found a way to use my mind in a way that was to my advantage.  The new beliefs, strengthened with consistent running, changed my life.

The results speak for themselves: 15 half marathons, 13 marathons, one 40-mile trail race, 50-mile race and 100K trail race in the next 20 years. I found that, in the end, I changed something even deeper than a belief. I changed my core identity. I changed from being the “fat band kid” to being a “long distance endurance athlete” and “zen-runner.” Changing who you believe you are is the deepest change you can make.

Challenge your limiting beliefs and question your own thoughts to create change in your lifeI encourage you to question your own thoughts when you think something limits you. Just because you think a thought, does not automatically mean that it is true.  Go and find a way to disprove it, even if it is in a small way.  Adopt a new belief and strengthen it with consistent actions.

Let you mind weave new beliefs and thoughts around it to strengthen it, and over time, you will achieve more that you ever thought possible.  It will give you the strength and courage to truly change your life.

Running two miles did not lead to “long distance endurance runner” overnight.  Initially, I never dreamed I would go out and complete a 100 kilometer race with total confidence in my ability to go the distance.  But once I challenged my initial limiting belief, it led me down many paths, many races, many spiritual moments, and a more fulfilling life.

And as for the philosophical question of whether or not a falling tree makes a sound if nobody is there to hear it, the answer is “It doesn’t matter because you will be somewhere else, thinking about something else, and making your life be something better!”

 

Liked This Article? Subscribe and get my Newsletter directly in your inbox! (You’ll also get a free copy of 6 of the most powerful business books ever written)

Focus in 3-Steps: Executive Coaching John Wooden Style

in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

In a previous post, I talked about the acronym F.O.C.U.S.S. and how a person can create greater levels of purpose, self-confidence, and direction. Today, I’m going to approach the concept of “focus” from the perspective of one of the greatest coaches in basketball history, John Wooden.

“In 1948, I began coaching basketball at UCLA. Each hour of practice we worked very hard. Each day we worked very hard. Each week we worked very hard. Each season we worked very hard. For fourteen years we worked very hard and didn’t win a national championship. However, a national championship was won in the fifteenth year. Another in the sixteenth. And eight more in the following ten years.” ~JW

My question is this, “Did the teams develop to a point where they could finally win a national championship or did Coach Wooden develop himself into a national championship coach?”

 

First Step: Be clear who you are and what Skill you choose to pursue excellence in (internal focus).

If you are going to become a master at a skill or craft, make sure it is one that you love and will emotionally support you for the next 20 years. Then, work to be the best!

To support this assertion another quote, “I am not what I ought to be, not what I want to be, not what I am going to be, but thankful that I am not what I used to be.” ~JW   Focus on being your best now in this moment, every moment!

“For an athlete to function properly, he must be intent. There has to be a definite purpose and goal if you are to progress. If you are not intent about what you are doing, you aren’t able to resist the temptation to do something else that might be more fun at the moment.” ~JW

 

Second Step: You must set goals that align with the expression of who you want to become and the skill you are choosing to master.

Set BIG, HUGE GOALS (external)!

For example, I chose a skill set of running many years ago. After thousands of miles of mastery, there was room for growth to always set the bar higher in terms of external goals: a 10K, half marathon, marathon, Goofy Challenge, 50-Miler, 100K Ultra and the pinnacle…100-Mile Ultra. Those goals took 20+ years of focus. As I took yoga along the way to keep flexible and train, I didn’t set a goal to become a yoga guru.

Big Goals provide the impetus to learn to perfect yourself in the execution of becoming more. They create the pressure to become meticulous because every detail counts. A hot spot on your foot in a 10K or half marathon is not big deal, on a marathon it becomes a little more important but during an ultra-marathon it means the difference between success and epic failure. Large goals are critical because they provide motivation to be diligent, prudent, and sustain a heightened level of awareness; internal and external. That creates focus.

“Adversity is the state in which man most easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free of admirers then.” ~JW

 

Third Step: Large goals create large obstacles to overcome.

This scares other people away from you so you have more time and energy to focus on your pursuits and not be presented with their problems.

How often during the day are we interrupted, distracted and presented with other people’s problems and life issues? People tend to conspire with others who will give them solace, empathy, and commiserate with them on their problems. The more a person commiserates with another, the more they keep coming back for more commiseration! If a heavy set person starts telling you how bad they feel, most people think it is OK to say, “I’m sorry, you know, it’s not really your fault. After all its genetics, thyroid issues, etc.” What happens when they get that response?  They keep coming back!

Granted it’s not polite to say to them, “then get off your fat buns and do something about it.” BUT, if you are setting a high goal of health for yourself, that person will naturally shy away from you. They know intuitively, as they see you pack your bag for a lunchtime workout, they won’t get much sympathy. You scare them away by setting higher standards.

 

BIG Goals scare people away because they suffer internally by comparison.

This cuts down in interruptions, distractions, and people telling you their problems. FOCUS comes from setting a higher standard than your peers. An added benefit is that the only people who will interrupt you are the people who have high standards and the exchanges will be more in the form of support, encouragement and sharing of tips that help you refine and master your craft. These can be good because they actually boost your energy, efficiency and the time spent for the interruption is time saved with what is learned by sharing.

Welcome the adversity and feelings of “being alone” in your singular pursuit. This creates focus. Here’s a supportive quote.

“When everyone is thinking the same, no one is thinking.” ~JW

 

Let’s recap these three steps:

1. Be clear on who you are and what skill you want to master (internal mindset)

2. Set Goals in that skillset that are HUGE, stretch yourself as high and far as you can go!

3. Get comfortable with scaring other people away and being alone…set a higher standard. Your only interruptions will be from others with high goals. Those interruptions will be fewer but very supportive!

 “The road to real achievement is usually bumpy and long, but you do not give up. You may have setbacks. You may have to start over. You may have to change your methods. You may have to go around, or over, or under. You may have to back up and get another start. But you do not quit. You stay the course.” ~JW

To your continued success,

James, Executive Business Coach

Learn more about Coach John Wooden here:  www.coachwooden.com

SPECIAL UPDATE: Success or Failure as a Small Business Owner or Coach

in , , , , , , , , , ,

Success or Failure? How many small businesses will fail in the first year?

According to the Department of Trade and Industry (DTI) during the Startup Awards, “Up to one fifth of the 400,000 businesses that start up each year fail within the first 12 months of operation. This gives an approximate figure of 80,000 businesses failing annually.”

I can tell in one question if you will be one of the 80,000…

If someone asks you, “What do you do for a living?” What is your response?

If you are a small business owner and answer with anything less than, “I am an entrepreneur and business owner,” you will be one of the 80,000. This is why…

I had the pleasure of a total coaching immersion with Tony Robbins for over 10 years. During that time, I coached thousands of people that were handed to me by their sales department.

When I branched out on my own, I spent my first two years trying to convince people what a great “Executive Business Coach.” I struggled everyday to convince prospective clients of my skill and experience. As I joined networking group after networking group and the ranks of other struggling small business owners; I met photographers, writers, massage therapists, event planners, financial advisors, real estate agents, website developers and even tattoo artists. And “what they did” was exactly how they introduced themselves.

I also joined professional organizations like the International Coaching Federation (ICF) where I heard coach after coach tell me how they always knew they wanted to be a coach. They knew it since they were 6 years old helping their friends solve their problems on the playground at school. And guess what? None of them had a business, they were all coaching part time and starving for clients.

THE KEY TO SUCCESS:

My Executive Business and Coaching practice turned around 180 degrees the day I committed to be an entrepreneur who owned a coaching practice. I LOVE COACHING and I love my clients and finally figured out that I needed to be a successful entrepreneur and business owner first, so that I could have all of the clients that I wanted.

Think about it this way, if you were the greatest public speaker in the world and only focused on speaking skills, when you showed up with your motivational speech, you would be talking to empty chairs! Getting people in the seats so you have someone to speak to requires entrepreneurial skills, not speaking skills.

Being an entrepreneur means taking on an entirely different set of skills than that of your professional skill. As a person continues to develop key business and marketing skills they can grow their business. Without them, they become just another statistic!

If you are struggling as a small businss owner or coach and want a step-by-step process to learn the entrepreneurial business skills needed to grow your business, call today to find out how! www.businessmarketingforsuccess.com is a 52-week sales and marketing program to get you all the business you can handle and get people in the seats. It is the “HOW” to do it!

Visit www.businessmarketingforsuccess.com and sign up to receive 4-exciting videos showing you the first steps forward to Success Today! I WANT TO SEE YOU SUCCEED!

To your continued success,

James M Murphy
Enrepreneur, Owner Evolution for Success
Premier Coaching Practice

How to manage time…1 Simple Solution

in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Over the weekend a friend asked how business was going and I heard myself say, “I need the world to stop for 4 months so I can get everything done I want to…and then have it re-engage.” I got to thinking about what I said later that evening and I realized if that was truly the case…I wasn’t managing time effectively at all. How does an entrepreneur/CEO/Executive manage time better? Here is one simple solution…

First, accept the fact that you can not manage time. It isn’t time that needs to be managed but your mental focus and actions. A persons mental focus will always be in one of three places at any given time. the past, present or future and each one has a definitive purpose.

Looking back to the past allows us to reflect on successes and failures (which are just opportunities to learn). Understanding the successes and failures of the past allows a person to take useful strategies forward and find new ways to use and apply them. It also allows us to identify negative actions and behaviors and reframe them into positive “learnings” so any negative emotions disappear and new possibilities for how a person “could choose” to do things differently in the future are uncovered.

Focusing on the Future is crucial because it allows a person to focus on one of the greatest human needs…becoming more. If we are not growing we are dying, it is a fundamental law of nature. The challenge is that some people focus on growing more that is positive and some people get into the trap of growing more of what they don’t want. A positive future opens the door to possiblities, growth, and “more” of life. The negative future, signalled by statements like “I don’t know or want…” only perpetuates negativity, scarcity and disempowering emotions.

And last place your focus can be is in the present, being immersed in the exact action, thought, belief and feeling right NOW…and NOW…and NOW…and NOW…and NOW. The present is the hardest to focus on because the mind is constantly pulled between the past and future.

THE SIMPLE SOLUTION…HERE IT IS!

Future—Past—Present

Focus on exactly what you want in the future…(not what you don’t want, but what you do)
Think about what tools, strategies and resources you need to be creative, industrious and solution oriented FROM THE PAST
Combine both into ACTION NOW in the PRESENT clear of any distractions.

Oh yeah, celebrate your success from doing something different today! When applied consistently, you will find yourself more motivated, inspired, fearless, and results will start to show!

If you find yourself lacking focus, a fearless attitude, or clear direction forward…call today for your “Success-Now!” Session. (919) 792-0085.

In the month of August, email me at james@evolutionforsuccess.com with the word 30-Day Challenge. I will send you a 30-Day Success Sheet and two complimentary 15-minute checkin’s, personally with me, as my way of saying thank you for your support over the years!

To your continued success,

James

How to create raving fans that refer you business!

in , , , , , , , , , ,

Emerson once said, “What you do speaks so loudly that I can’t hear what you say!”

This is an incredible business insight. How many people work to promote their business by “speaking so loudly about their business” that people are turned off and never get to see what they can “do for the prospective client in their business.” There is a reason for the saying, “Actions speak louder than words.”

Business owners today will create a lot more success if they remember that prospective clients are watching what they do, often times more than anything they say. Businesses are constantly critiqued by the small courtesies that distinguish them from their competition.

  • For example, after a lunch and a business card exchange, do you immediately send the other person a invitations through social media to stay connected?
  • If someone really goes out of their way to help, do you send a “thank you” card?
  • What is your referral bonus? And if you have one…does it include a personal touch?

I know for me personally, I network a lot and everytime I meet someone new and they say, “Let’s do lunch sometime!” I immediately pull out the iPhone and say, “Great, let’s set up a time now!” If they don’t commit or respond with “Send me some times by email and we’ll connect,” I never follow up. When I pull out my phone, I am saying in that moment, “I value you and your time and I value me and my time, do you?” If they push it off on me to follow up with them, chances are, I will end up chasing them and that’s not who I want to do business with.

  • How do you answer your phone? How do you handle a cancellation when contractually, you are right but the customer wasn’t happy? Do you accommodate them or go by the “rules?”

You would be surprised why people are turned off by using a business or company. And while you can’t be everything to everyone; remember Emerson’s quote, “What you do speaks so loudly that I can’t hear what you say!”

To your continued success,

James
(919) 745-7569

PS-Comment below on what you have “done” in your business that spoke loudly with a client that you didn’t need to say anything.

Venice: From Pain to Possibility to Prosperity…

in , , , ,

Where is there PAIN in your life Right Now?

Most people will do almost anything to avoid it. How many times have you swept those deep feelings back under the rug. However, Pain can lead to Possibility which can lead to Prosperity. Venice, once the wealthiest city in the world is a testament to that ideology.

As Attila’s huns surged through Northern Italy raping and pillaging the Roman Empire, many refugees sought protection on the 118 deserted and desolate swampy islands of the Adriatic Sea. Even though the land was over 2.5 miles from shore and not able to support trades like agriculture; creativity and human ingenuity eventually took over.

Fast forward a few generation and Venice was born. With a newly develop transportation system of over 200 canals and 400 bridges it was a hub for world trade, power, and riches from all over the globe.

Pain in life is not something to be avoided, there is power and energy in it. The key is to take that power and energy and convert it to good use. Use that energy to build and create something better for yourself and others. There is true POWER in that ability.

Every great person in history, every movie ever made, begins in pain. Look at every Disney movie made, the opening scene usually has a parent dying or some tragedy. Pain is not to be shoved away into the dark recesses of our mind and body never to see the light of day. It is to be harnessed to build, create, inspire and give back to others in some way shape or form. You too, can move from Pain to Possibility to Prosperity and make a difference in the world!

If you need support with the transitioning Pain to Possibility to Prosperity in your business, Evolution for Success Executive Coaching can help. Call today for your personal one-on-one “Success Now” session.
(919) 792-0085

Or, if you know someone in Pain, a referral is the greatest gift you can every give.

Happiness Formula Revealed…

in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

If you are looking for the magic formula for more “HAPPINESS,” look no further. Like all new ways of thinking and believing, they stick around longer when they are anchored into our neurology. Take this 31 day Happiness Challenge everyday in July and see how your life changes in the next month. Here are the steps:

1. Journal:
A. List three problems that you are thankful for (the reasons you are thankful must be to remind you something you know you are in the core of your being or what there is to learn from the problem, the learning of which will empower you with a new belief that will better you. Example, “I am thankful that I am scared to death of making these business cold calls this week because it will help be breakthrough my fear of being good enough, overcome caring so much about what other people think of me, and allow my business to go the next level by brining in clients and revenue so that I can take another vacation and help another person change their life)
B. Journal any other thoughts, ideas or concepts worth nothing and thank your unconscious mind for giving you those ideas and insights (regardless of if they are negative or positive)

2. Exercise: Put some form of physical movement in your day. A minimum of 20-minutes out in the sun for some vitamin D. Anything to get some additional oxygen to your mind and body, get your lymph system going and get those natural feel good drugs released (as my daughter says, “get those ‘indoor-friends’ moving” (endorphins)

3. Meditation: Meditation is proven to support a healthier immune system, relaxation and stress release. To get in the habit I suggest just meditating to your favorite song without words. Or, sit in your car before or after work for as little as just two minutes and clear your mind, practice turning off your brain.

4. Perform one meaningful, random act of kindness. It has to be meaningful which means it involves something that is emotional. An example, everytime I take my kids to McD’s, I ALWAYS put my change and a few dollars in the Ronald McDonald box because I know what they did for one of my clients who they supported when his son needed a brain operation. It immediately fills my heart with thankfulness and I think of the families in need who will have kids in similiar situations and all the good it will do for them.

Feelings need to be cultivated. They need to be cared for, watered, nurtured and supported so they can grow and produce fruit! Try this challenge for 31-days with me and see how it changes your life.

TO your continued success,

James

PS-Email me at James@evolutionforsuccess with the word “Happiness” in the subject line and I will gladly send you a daily “Happiness” form you can use for the month of July.

You have problems, compared to what…?

in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Bad Monday

Are you having a bad day? I thought I was one day last week. I was going to be late for an appointment and I was really frustrated since being late is one of my pet peeves. My frustration level grew as I turned off the highway and my forward progress came to a screeching halt. In front of me was an accident and a long line of backed up cars. As I took the detour in front of me, I snapped the picture you see in the post above. An interesting thing happened as I drove past this accident. Somehow, seeing the plight of this truck driver, putting myself in his shoes, and thinking about the phone call he was going to have to make to his boss put my problem (frustrated by being 10 minutes late) into perspective.

One of the greatest questions I ask clients when they are frustrated and angry at a problem in life is, “OK, its bad, but compared to what?” As human beings, it is easy to get wrapped up in OUR life, OUR problems, OUR perspectives, and OUR beliefs. To jumpstart the process of getting a person out of their OWN way so they can work to a solution, just ask, “Compared to what?” When we shift our attention to the plight of others, the challenges of others, the life circumstances of others (that we can relate too) it helps to put things into a different perspective. When you can shift your “referential index,” how you are referring to something, with a different perspective, it lessens the emotional impact so you can think more clear and see the opportunities to think or do something different.

It is not to be used as a justification for NOT doing something different but a means of getting unstuckk so you can find a new solution and take action to achieve a different outcome. Next time you are stuck and think something in your life really stinks…just state the problem and then ask yourself, “Ok, this stinks but compared to what?” So you thought you were having a bad day, compared to what?

In the end, my ten minutes late was nothing compared to the delays this driver faced, his boss faced, and their clients and their customers may have faced. It’s good to keep life in perspective.

If you are feeling stuck and frustrated with your job, career, relationships or finances…CALL today to schedule your Introductory Strategy Session to start moving forward again. (919) 792-0085

To your continued success,

James

Say What??? Shake Up Your Beliefs with NLP Pattern Interrupts

in , ,

Using a “Pattern Interrupt”, an NLP Technique, is a great way of initiating change in your behavior.  It creates a virtual Hiccup in your thought process so that your normal pattern of behavior is interrupted and you can consciously insert a new belief that leads to an action.

Humor is a fantastic tool to incorporate into the Pattern Interrupt because it links up a “fun” state to the new behavior you choose to take afterwards. Here are a few fun pattern interrupts that have come up with clients lately.

Belief: a “Waste not, want not” attitude in regards to food at dinner.

“You can Waste it, or Waist it, which waist do you want?”

Belief: I am too tired to get up in the morning.

“It is a simple matter of mind over mattress.”

Belief: I’ll start tomorrow, I meant to do that, or I was going to…

“When would NOW be a good time to start?”

Belief: I don’t know.

“I know I don’t know what I don’t know now, but if I did know now, what would I know to do?”

Belief:  We argue all the time.

“This is a great opportunity for discussion.”

Belief: I hate this!

“This situation is truly less that favorable!”

And my favorite:

Belief: It’s not in my job description, I shouldn’t have to do it.

“If you don’t stay sharp and on point, like the tip of a spear, all you get in the end is the shaft.”

 

Pattern Interrupts can be a great tool for not only changing your state but the emotional state of others also. The shock value of not giving a “typical” response is what ignites the opportunity for change to happen in patterns of thought. Adding humor is like adding gas to the fire!

Have fun creating some pattern interrupts for yourself.  I would love to hear yours below.

 

Liked This Article?  Subscribe and Get my Thought of The Week newsletter directly in your inbox!  (You’ll also get a free copy of my “Emotional Mastery” training and my Free Special Report “5 Steps to Stop Procrastinating“)

 

Beware of the Assumptions You Make Subconsciously

in , ,

Are you familiar with this parable?

A clergyman was walking along a country road when he saw a young farmer struggling to load a huge pile of hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

“It’s at least 100 degrees out here today and baking hot,’ said the cleargyman, ‘and the sweats pouring off of you. Why don’t you stop and rest for a few minutes?’

‘No, I can’t stop now,’ said the young farmer. ‘my father would not like it at all.’

And he continued re-loading the hay with determination. ‘but surely,’ continued the clergyman, ‘everyone is entitled to short break once in a while. Here, have a drink of water.’

I’d better not,’ said the young farmer, ‘my father would be really mad if I stopped now.’ And he continued reloading the hay.’

‘Your father must be a real slave driver,’ said the clergyman. ‘tell me where he is and I’ll give him a good piece of my mind!’

The young farmer replied, ‘he’s under the load of hay!’

How many times have you been stunned to discover your assumption about a situation did not match the reality of the situation at all?  We’ve all been there!

Making assumptions about situations is a natural human behavior. However, being careful in making assumptions is very important. Assumptions influence the general attitudes that a person has. General attitudes lead to what we expect to happen in certain situations. Those expectations over time, lead to creating beliefs that are held to be true. Those beliefs, in turn, influence out actions. And actions determine the Results that we have in life.

Making sure that you assume the best in all situations and all people can have a tremendously positive impact in your life. Over time, assume the best and you will have the best.

 

Liked This Article?  Subscribe and Get my Thought of The Week newsletter directly in your inbox!  (You’ll also get a free copy of my “Emotional Mastery” training and my Free Special Report “5 Steps to Stop Procrastinating“)

 

And Confusion is a Good Thing because….?

in , , ,

Have you ever been confused? At a seminar once upon a time, a larger than life character told me that being confused is definitely cause for celebration. The idea being that when someone is confused, that’s the precursor to learning something new.

Simply said, nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning we attach to it.  If you can change or start a belief in a heartbeat, how does it work?  The answer is simple: We naturally learn by taking a new experience and linking it up to a previous experience.  The brain cells that fire together, wire together. And they wire together with emotion and feeling.

So, if we want to stop a pattern of unhealthy thinking, putting ourselves in a new highly emotional state of confusion is healthy, IF in those moments we consciously attach a new meaning to an old pattern.

For instance, in 1999 when I went through my coaches training with Mr. Larger than Life, we showed up one morning all expecting to have a day of classroom instruction. Instead we were directed to a van and told we were off to an “experience”!

Thirty minutes later, as we pulled into the skydiving place, people got confused. Thoughts ran through everyone’s mind: This was not the training day we were supposed to have; OMG we have to jump out of a plane?!?; OMG the fear; OMG the panic; OMG the anxiety; OMG the CONFUSION and OMG I AM GOING TO DIE!! People were frantically trying to reason out the situation and decipher what it meant for them because they did not automatically have a past frame of reference to link it to!

While most were in a state of confusion, I was feeling something different! You see, I had a past frame of reference from being in the US Army. I had already experienced their moment of panic, fear and confusion when I went through US Army Airborne School.  And in my moment of panic, fear and confusion jumping out the door at only 1,200 feet, I anchored in the new belief that, if I live through this, I can do anything! And, I had those brain cells fire together and wire together over the next 4 jumps. So, when we had to jump out of the plane in tandem with a 12,000 foot free fall and plenty of time to react to any issues, I was not fearful, but positively excited! I knew, “I could handle anything!”

The great thing was, at the day’s end, everyone wanted to go up again and experience skydiving without a tandem instructor and go solo! And, we had all bonded and participated in a life event that brought us all closer together!

Ultimately, skydiving a second time was not to be. Mr. Larger than Life had something better in store for us. At the end of the next day of training, at about 10pm, instead of going home, we were stretched again.

The instructions were simple: empty all of your pockets and give us everything except your drivers’ license. Take this small bag that contains fifty cents, an emergency number to call, pocket camera for proof, a small pack of almonds as our gift to you. Men have to go alone, women in groups of two and you have 15 hours to get from San Diego to Los Angeles and back again using nothing but your coaching skills and your ability to add value to others. “If you are not back by 5pm Sunday, you fail the course!”

Let me just say, while some were excited, I was not.  This was my moment of  “OMG to LA and back on a Sunday night, alone?, OMG the fear, OMG the panic, OMG the anxiety, OMG the CONFUSION and OMG I AM GOING TO DIE!!

How do you think it ended? That’s a Thought of the Week for another time. Or, do you know the ending already?  Successful people thrive on OMG moments!

What are your OMG moments that have shaped your success…I would LOVE to know them! Comment below!

 

Liked This Article?  Subscribe and Get my Thought of The Week newsletter directly in your inbox!  (You’ll also get a free copy of my “Emotional Mastery” training and my Free Special Report “5 Steps to Stop Procrastinating“)

 

Reach Your Goals Faster! 2 Essential Steps

in ,

Would you like to reach your goals faster?  Here are 2 steps that are critical to achieving them much quicker!  I’ll give you a hint: the key to success lies in your emotions.

Napoleon Hill wrote one of the most classic books ever written on success and achievement, “Think & Grow Rich.” One of the reasons this is such a classic book is that he used the principle of modeling. Modeling is the process of studying how an outcome is repeatedly achieved.

Hill found that the successful achievement of any goal was based on the following four steps.

1. Connect with your Purpose or Burning Desire

2. Believe and Trust in yourself and the value of your actions

3. Organize a plan of action and even more importantly take action

4. Never Give Up! Perseverance does pay off!

To make this process effective, it’s crucial to do all of the steps in order and be absolutely consistent.

When most people see someone achieve something they themselves want to achieve, many times the temptation is to ask, “How did you do that?” But steps number one and two are 100% emotional.

Until you figure out why you want to achieve that specific goal; what it means to you; what it will add to your life and what it will cost you to not achieve it, knowing how to do it will not significantly increase your chance of reaching it. Connecting emotionally with your drive is essential.

Once you are emotionally connected with the “WHY” of your goal, it’s time to put some focus on your faith and belief in yourself as well as your belief in your strategy. Trusting in your plan doesn’t mean not being open to evaluating its effectiveness periodically. Quite the opposite: you need to make adjustments as needed which is what step 3 is all about. But it does mean that you have to truly believe that your actions can and will lead to the results you want. Self-doubt is distracting at best and has the potential of being crippling.

It takes time to stop and reconnect to the emotions associated with your goals. It’s a step we often skip in our hurry to get to the end goal. But it’s precisely what will help you achieve your goals much quicker. That initial step will ward off self-sabotage. It will help you stay motivated when the initial burst of energy is long gone and you are left with the hard work of persevering.

The key is to reaching your goals faster is to address the emotional component of goal setting before you move to the logical and practical aspect of reaching them.

Liked This Article?  Subscribe and Get my Thought of The Week newsletter directly in your inbox!  (You’ll also get a free copy of my “Emotional Mastery” training and my Free Special Report “5 Steps to Stop Procrastinating“)

How To Get a Raise

in ,

Would you like to make more money? Would you like to get a raise at work this year? Here is the solution.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

Most unsuccessful people do not act because they cannot see the reward. They hold back from putting in extra effort because “it’s not their job, it’s not in their job description, or the last time they did it the success did not come.”

However, if you act for the betterment of others, because you know it is the right thing to do, every good deed must be reciprocated. It may not be in that moment, but it will eventually. If the peasant had not started kicking small rocks off the road that hurt when you stepped on them, then moved on to larger stones and then larger rocks, he never would have attempted to move the boulder all by himself.

The key is to overcome the obstacles at your workplace that most others are walking around. What are the things that everyone is avoiding in the office? Sometimes you have to stop what you are doing, assess the situation from a new perspective, act just because it is the right thing to do, put your effort into something for the betterment of others and have faith that there will be a reward at the end.

The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition and no good deed ever goes unrewarded.

 

Liked This Article?  Subscribe and Get my Thought of The Week newsletter directly in your inbox!  (You’ll also get a free copy of my “Emotional Mastery” training and my Free Special Report “5 Steps to Stop Procrastinating“)