Participation versus Engagement

Over a year ago, I challenged one of my friends to run the Goofy Challenge at Disney. The Challenge consists of running a half marathon on Saturday and a full marathon on Sunday. As I stood in the cold rain and sleet last Saturday, waiting for the half to begin, I was confident in my ability to complete both races within the time limits.

The half marathon went off easily and I made good time. I ran very steady and reserved because I was a little nervous about how I would do in the later stages of the marathon on Sunday. We went out for dinner Saturday evening and a few people asked me what my goal was for Sunday’s marathon. I replied with my usual answer, “5 hours or less and injury free.”

In the parking lot on Sunday morning, prior to the marathon, my two friends and I were figuring out where to meet up after the race. I found myself posturing down and telling them and myself, “I am not sure where to meet, you will both be way ahead of me, I just want to enjoy the experience, I’m not in this for a time goal, and I won’t be able to keep up with you so just run your race.” One of the guys said in a sarcastic tone, “OK, love the confidence, we’ll just meet back at the hotel.” It was a blunt honest comment that stunned me. The coach was being coached.

As the marathon started, I was holding back at about an 11+ minute/mile pace then slowly started to pick up the pace since I felt so good. At mile 6, I caught up to my friends and was averaging about a 9:30 mile pace with a 30 second walk through the water stations. I slowed down to run with my friends in TOTAL SHOCK and disbelief and was going to just hang with them for the rest of the race. One of my friends stopped at the water station longer than my race plan accounted for, so I pushed on by myself and continued to run my own race. Those automatic negative thoughts started to flood my brain again; “This is not right, feeling this good, they run faster than me, this is uncomfortable pushing myself this way but physically I feel so solid and the running is effortless, when are they going to pass me, I can’t possibly run the marathon faster than them.” At mile 13, the doubt increased as I realized I still felt great and was at a 10:00 mile pace. Furthermore, my friends had not passed me yet.

Then the negative thoughts tripled as I started the second half of the race, “Did I start too fast, was I going to burn out, would I crash at the 20-mile wall, Would my foot hold up, would I end up falling behind and finishing 30 minutes after my friends after all?” However, I just could not believe how good and solid I felt running, my energy was fantastic and my running felt effortless.

At about mile 16, still at my 10:05 pace, I realized that this was not a fluke. I was forced to accept that I was performing at a higher level due to all of the training I had put in the last year. I also realized that if I kept on pace, I could run a personal best marathon time. My personal best was 4:24:29 in New York 8 years ago. A bolt of lightning could have struck me down in that moment. It never occurred to me that I could run a personal best marathon time, in those cold and rainy conditions, a day after completing a half marathon. From then on, I stopped selling myself short. I was focused, on purpose, and found an internal drive to succeed that I had not accessed in quite a while.

I had been stuck in a comfort zone and stopped pushing myself to become more. Since this was my 10th marathon, I knew I could complete the race and get my medals. I would finish, have my little emotional moment, and it would be a good race. I thought it was enough just to be in the race. Up until that breakthrough moment, I was trying to convince myself that it was enough for me to be in the race. I was only participating in it. After that moment, I was emotionally engaged in the race and wanted to win. There was no satisfaction in “just participating.”

There is a real difference between participating in life and being emotionally engaged in life. Some people participate in their relationships and some people are emotionally engaged in their relationships. Some people are just participating at work and some are emotionally engaged in their work. Some people are participating at the health club and some are emotionally engaged at the health club. Which one do you think creates a more fulfilling life? Emotional engagement does not automatically come with participation. While you are participating in a worthwhile endeavor you still have to push yourself outside of your comfort zone and test your limits.

I crossed the finish line at 4:26:04 and have never been more emotional after a race. I broke down in tears as the lady put my Goofy medal around my neck. I kissed her on the cheek and told her she was the dearest, sweetest woman in the world. That moment was so powerful for me because I quit holding myself back and emotionally engaged in the run.

I learned an important lesson from the weekend. You can sit on the sidelines and watch the race, you can be a participant in the race, or you can be fully emotionally engaged in the race. When you are emotionally engaged and push yourself to be, do and have more from yourself, then you are really living life to the fullest.

As a result, I am not holding myself back any more in running. I have already set some goals to run the NYC Marathon this year in under 4 hours. And for the guys in the neighborhood, after I run my 15 mile training run down to the Krispy Kreme 4 mile race next month, you can bet that I am going to work on those 12 glaze donuts with gusto and finish in under an hour.

I challenge you to stop being a participant in life and make every race your personal best. Emotionally engage life and its challenges and push yourself to break through your personal limitations to achieve more. Make 2010 a phenomenal year.

To your continued success,

James M Murphy