Panning for Emotional Gold
I had an interesting parenting revelation a while back that has really stuck with me in a deep and profound way. One day I found myself telling my daughter, “Come here and give me a hug and kiss.” It is a common phrase that every parent has probably used at one time or another. What struck me in that moment was the fact that I was asking my daughter to give me love and affection instead of me giving it to her. That small distinction really hit hard because it goes against my identity as a parent. I believe the love should “go downhill” and not be expected the other way around.
So, like any great coach, I changed my language to include phrases like, “I have a hug for you that I have waiting all day to give you,” or “I really wanted to give you this kiss to take with you. It is a very special hug and I would love for you to have it.” Instantly, my daughter was more open and receptive to receiving and giving affections.
That led to some different insights in my coaching. I have a client who is working on relationship issues tell me, “What does she do for me?” and I immediately replied, “A better question to ask would be, who is she for you in your relationship?” Many times we forget emotionally who people are for us in a relationship and what they provide us emotionally.
Isabelle, my daughter, in her helpfulness a few weeks ago was getting me a glass of water for dinner and I told her that I didn’t want any. I personally don’t drink water at dinner and her reaction was immediate rejection and sadness. Without thinking, I reached down and took the glass out of her hands, gave her a huge hug and told her that I didn’t want the glass of water but I did want and accept all of the love and helpfulness she was giving to me by getting me the glass of water. Her love and helpfulness was the biggest gift of all. She threw her little arms around my neck and said, “Daddy, I love you too!”
How often do we shut people down emotionally without even realizing it? Every action a person takes meets an emotional need for them. Sometimes it is so hard to understand and see what the other persons emotional needs are in the moment.
When we identify and understand the emotions behind the actions people take and then acknowledge them, we create connections at a deeper, more fulfilling level. It is never about the glass of water or what someone will “do” for you in a relationship but it is about who they are being for you in the relationship. Isabelle was reaching out and Being loving and helpful to me.
As Zig Ziglar says, “You can have everything you want in life if you just help enough other people get what they want.” The beauty of that statement is not found in the material things you help others get but by helping them have their deeper emotional needs met. I interpret it as, “You can have all the emotional fulfillment you want in life if you just help enough other people get what they want emotionally in their life.” The key is not in having other people come to you but in you going to them and giving first!
IF you are interested in learning more about identifying the deeper emotions that drive the people in your life attend the May 27th Teleconference, “Panning for Emotional Gold.” It will show you a proven method for identifying and understanding people’s emotional states. You will learn to influence others better, sell and motivate your business peers, find deeper ways to connect with your family and spouse, and see your life in a whole new way.
Early registration before May 20th is $39 for the course. “Panning for Emotional Gold” will contain the theoretical model along with practical exercises during the call for an interactive experience.
In order to accommodate this new, more engaging Teleconference format, the call may be extended for an additional session to be held the following week on Wednesday, June 3rd.
You can also pre-order the CD for $14.99 before Wednesday, May 20th.
MAY Special: By the way, if you know anyone who needs support hiring the right person for the job. Have them check out the Sure Hire Behavioral Assessment at www.surehirenow.com
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Be sure to check out my website: www.evolutionforsuccess.com soon for an exciting new 2-CD release on Powerful Positive Parenting, due out May 18, 2009. Order your copy today for only $24.99 + S&H. You will receive the 2-CD set plus Handouts in MS Word format.
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