Valentine’s Day Coaching Tip…

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Want to get more Love & Connection this Valentine’s Day? Here are 5 Ways that people “LOVE” to be Loved. (and a few other goodies along the way)

Gary Chapman wrote a great book many years ago called “The 5 Love Languages.” His theory is that people can experience love in 5 general ways. Everyone has a natural priority for the 5 ways. The challenge we face is that we tend to love people in our preferred ways instead of theirs. So, as we go through the 5 ways, ask yourself first, “What are the ways I love to be loved?” Then ask, “How does my significant other love to be loved?”

1. TIME: Time people just love to be in the same room, house or shared space. They just like hanging out around you and spending time together.

2. TOUCH: Any touch will do; a hug, kiss, (or more), anything that is skin to skin. They just need and love your touch.

3. TELL: Any written or verbal affirmation of your undying devotion is always loved. Even text, email, telegram, anything that is auditory or writing will light their fire!

4. Buying THINGS: Material gifts and possessions are the way to go. Doesn’t have to be the diamond tennis bracelet. It could just be that special something for a dollar. Buying them gifts are great!

5. Doing THINGS: Any act of service will do for these people. Clean the house, take out the trash, clean up that honey do list, fill the car with gas, or just be their love servant for the day and ‘Do’ for them!

One last suggestion…make sure there is a personal touch to anything and everything that you do for your loved one this Valentine’s Day. More than anything, they want to know that you took the time to cherish them, show they are special to you. As long as it comes from you and your heart…Rock their world with it!

Last, a Coaching Challenge…remember that Valentine’s Day can come more than once a year when Hallmark says that it’s expected. Guys, stock up on some cards and drop one in her car in July when she is taking the kids to the pool. I always cruise the 50% OFF shelves and stock up for a few times during the next year to have my own Valentine’s Day! To heck with Hallmark, I march to the beat of my own drum!

To your continued success,

James

Tips For a Better Relationship… It is never too late to address an issue with your spouse

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One of the cornerstones of a great relationship is communication and one of the hardest times to communicate is when there is an issue that is emotionally charged. In those moments, chances are that whoever is more of the introverted personality type will close up and not speak while the other person expresses everything that is on their mind.

For the more extroverted person, once they express their emotional state they are done and complete but for the introvert, if they don’t speak up, it stays inside and is not resolved.

It is important for introverts in a relationship to remember to address and express their emotions and feelings to their mate even when it is after the moment.

Otherwise, it can lead to resentment, built up stress and anger, and unresolved feelings. Over time, this is destructive to any relationship.

To your continued relationship success,

James

Tips For a Better Relationship…Think Zen

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Stillness is what creates love. Movement is what creates life. To be still and still moving – this is everything. -Do Hyun Choe

In the stillness, we can most easily connect with our true self. Putting movement in our lives creates energy and emotion…uniting the two as one allows God to flow through us! That is how to make a difference in the world and live a life of purpose.

When we can appreciate all that our mate is right now in this moment, know they are enough and perfect for us to move through this life with, we can then lead, guide and move the relationship forward to create more, have more, be more, and do more because there is a foundation of unconditional love.

Look at your wife today and see that she is perfect in this moment. Do so with all of her strengths (which are your weaknesses as a man) and her weaknesses (which are your strengths…don’t play those against her!)…Tell her that she is enough right now in this moment. She is perfect in who she is and will become…Revel in her beauty and feminine energy.

Then lead and guide the relationship to have new experiences, new shared common interests, date her again…and see what happens in your relationship.

Tips For a Better Relationship… Opposites attract

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When it comes to relationships sometimes what attracts our partner to us the most is the area that we are weakest in.

An introvert attracts an extrovert or an organized person attracts a disorganized person.

Relationships start to lose energy when the focus is shifted to how the other person is not the same as yourself instead of remembering to respect how the differences bring balance.

It takes a strong, centered person to live with a person who it is possible to see all of their weaknesses in. It takes an even stronger person to respect and appreciate them (even when sometimes they are the most frustrating!)

The secret behind passion in a relationship is that opposites attract. Would there be any passion in a relationship where you were married to yourself? AUGH!

The greater the differences, the greater respect for those differences, the greater the polarity and energy in the relationship and the greater the passion!

 

Focus On Your Relationship & Marriage: The Greatest Aphrodisiac

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You are probably wondering, “Is it an oyster that he is talking about this week? Is it an ointment? Is it something sexy from that shop down the street?” Wrong answers, try again.

One morning last week I found myself in a deep conversation with my wife and it was going down a direction that I was a little scared to go. We were not arguing, because we never argue in our relationship, we just have “opportunities for discussion.” (or at least, that’s what I choose to call them!)

We were having an opportunity to discuss something that brings all couples closer together, our finances. There is an old psychological test that was performed where they put a man in a room with a crying baby and his first reaction was to leave the room but for a woman their first reaction is to soothe the child. Well, my first reaction when the opportunity for discussion on finances came up was to not only leave the room, but run like away like Roger Bannister.

But, instead of just listening to my wife, (some guys only pretend to listen), I found myself engaging in the discussion and really disclosing some personal fears, ideas, and thoughts on the subject that I had never shared with her before. As for that matter, I had never even really stopped long enough myself to verbalize them to myself.

As we worked our way through the discussion and arrived at a solution was a deeper level of trust, respect, and commitment to one another. We both had a deeper understanding of what the other really thought, felt and believed. We accomplished this level of deep connection by providing the one another the chance to be safe while opening up and sharing.

I have always loved my wife dearly and it seems there is a pattern that I am most attracted to her after our opportunities for discussion. And reflecting on it now, it does not really seem to matter whether it was a topic that we agree on or not. Whether it is something that makes up both laugh, smile and enjoy, or something that brings frustration, challenge and disagreement, it doesn’t really matter.

It seems to me that the greatest aphrodisiac is communication. Yes, simply stated, open, safe, talking and listening. Truthful talking and listening with respect for your lovers thoughts, ideas, and deepest feelings. When was the last time you your and your lover talked in a deep intimate moment? When was the last time you really talked and listened in an intimate setting?

I encourage you to do so this week. See what happens! You may find yourself more attracted to your mate than ever. Don’t just listen…engage your partner in an intimate discussion about anything. I will leave the rest of the details to you.