Are Ants invading your personal space???

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Our thoughts are just like ANTS. Those Automatic Negative ThoughtS (A.N.T.S.) are constantly on the move looking for something sweet to feed on. A person’s brain is always thinking and creating new thoughts and beliefs, even while we sleep.
 
Learning to direct our thoughts to those healthy food sources will lead to a more productive, fruitful, and positive mindset. Listen now to my latest podcast to learn how to deal with the ANTS that may be invading your personal space!

Until next time,
James


Everything I need in life I learned from "The Matrix"

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Everyone loves a great movie and once in a while, a movie comes along that has the right amount of action, character development, intrigue and a REAL MESSAGE in it. 


The Matrix trilogy is 100% based in the psychology of personal responsibility, choice, and the belief that we create our reality. Here are some great lines from the movie that all contain a messages of empowerment, personal choice and our ability to create the life that we desire.

  • It is a good idea to keep in mind that everything you know could be wrong.
  • In life, there isn’t just one matrix, there are many. Meaningless work, TV and corrosive relationships just to name three. How many of them “have” you?
  • Even a hero can get scared, drop his phones off the side of a building and give up. He just doesn’t let it end that way.
  • Sometimes everything hangs by a single decision: red pill or blue pill. But often that critical choice isn’t always so obvious. It could come at any time. It could be right now.
  • What are you waiting for? You’re faster than this. Don’t think you are…know you are. Come on! Stop trying to hit me and hit me!
  • You have to let it all go, Neo: Fear, Doubt, Disbelief. Free…your…mind.
  • When it comes to leaping from skyscraper to skyscraper, everyone falls the first time. It doesn’t mean anything.
  • I have these memories from my life. None of them happened. What does that mean? That the Matrix can not tell you who you are.
  • Sorry kid. You’ve got the gift. But it looks like you are waiting for something.
  • There’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.
  • I didn’t come here to tell you how it is going to end. I came here to tell you how it’s going to begin. I’m going to hang up this phone and then I’m going to show these people what you don’t want them to see. I’m going to show them a world without you: a world without controls, without borders or boundaries, a world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is up to you.

So, what are your favorite movie lines? How about, “Oh Captain, my Captain!” (Dead Poet’s Society) “Freedom!” (Braveheart) and one of my all time favorites, “Be the ball!” (Caddyshack).  I would love to hear yours!


Until next time!


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Are you taking steps toward what you want?

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When would you like to make your first million? When would you like to find and marry your soul mate? When would you like to drop those extra pounds so you look good this summer? When would you like to find a better sense of peace in your life? When would you like to get to that next promotion and pay raise at work?
If you are like most people, the answer to all of these questions is easy. I am sure you would like to have had it all yesterday! Maybe a person could settle for right now, but yesterday would probably have been better!
It is true that whatever you want, you can’t have it yesterday. However, you can choose to take action towards those results right now. If you want that million dollars and pass on making that extra payment to pay off your debt, you are missing out on having that million dollars for now. If you fail to smile and just say hello to that attractive guy or gal at the grocery store, you might be missing out on your soul mate. If you don’t leave just one more bite of food on your plate than you did yesterday, you are missing out on that great beach body. 
A person may say, “But James, that one extra payment, smile, and bite of food are not enough!” Says who? If you are not willing to manage your money and will waste an opportunity to take a step toward being debt free, how can you manage a million? If you are not willing to give more than you expect back in a relationship and pass on a smile that may make someone’s day go from bad to great, how can you emotionally support your soul mate? If you can’t pass on that one bite of food and eat 40 less calories at every meal (840 calories a week is almost 1/3 lb), then how will you be able to manage passing on all of the deserts when you are out with friends so you can feel fantastic on the beach?
Managing your life comes down to managing moments. If the small results are not enough for you to acknowledge and appreciate, you may never have the appreciation for attaining the end goal. We are the ones who make things bigger, harder, and more difficult than they need to be. Why not make feeling good about yourself and your actions be easy? How many more happy people would there be in the world. Life is only as difficult as you make it! 
The key to getting results NOW is to manage and appreciate the moments and the immediate actions you take right now in order to make a difference in your life.  
To  your continued success, 
James

Do You Have a Success Plan?

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The gun went off at 6:00 am, Saturday morning, April 2, 2011. Twenty seven hours, 44 minutes and 34 seconds later, I crossed the finish line completing my first 100-mile Ultramarathon. What allowed me to succeed? Two things: a plan and my word!

It seems surreal even now. As I have gone over the event in my mind for the last few days, I think about the key factors that enabled me to reach my goal. It certainly was not all due to my training because in all reality, I trained harder and more consistently for the fifty mile race that I completed last year. It was not due to my superior health because I weigh a little more than I did last year at this time. So what was it? 

First, I got clear on what my outcome was.  I decided I wanted to complete the race in under 30 hours.  I did some research and I found a plan I could follow to do just that. Provided I ran the first 50 miles in less than 13 hrs, I could complete the race in twenty eight hours with two to spare for unexpected emergencies. I printed out the plan and put it in my race belt. It became my bible during the race. It broke down the lap times so that I had smaller goals to accomplish on the way to the bigger picture. I set small steps and overachieved each lap by about fifteen to twenty minutes. I used these minutes to take care of my body: changing shoes, shirts, and socks, using a full jar of Vaseline, and getting medical support. When I lost the map after the 6th lap, I felt like I had lost my best friend (I later found it). The plan saved me from destruction. It allowed me to focus on the small consistent actions that made the difference between success and failure: filling the water bottle each station, eating at each aid station, taking my electrolyte caps each hour, and consistently checking my watch to measure my progress versus the plan. 

The second thing that kept me going was my word. I created a tremendous amount of leverage for myself to accomplish this goal. I told my friends, my family, my clients, and everyone on every social media network I am involved with, that I was going to do this! Most importantly, I told myself that I was going to give this everything that I had! I did not give myself an escape route anywhere. 

There were times I could have quit. Before starting lap seven (after 75 miles) the Red Cross Medic looked at my feet and told me there was nothing they could do for my feet since the pain did not come from an external blister but an internal separation of skin. If I wanted to continue, all I could do was to slap on some Vaseline and suck it up. There were also several times in lap eight when I actually stopped and told my pacer that I wanted to quit, period. I was done. And, even as I said the words out loud, doubled over in pain, I knew that I could not look at myself in the mirror when I got home if I didn’t give it everything I had. And, unless I blacked out and they took me away in an ambulance, I could not stop. In those moments, I looked down deeper into myself than ever before, checked my handwritten plan, pulled myself together, and kept on going. 

It is ironic as I look back on my life, that 21 years ago, I could not run a mile.  It’s clear that if a person wants to have a full life they are proud of, success takes work and effort. It took just as much work and effort emotionally 21 years ago for me to push myself to run 8 laps, walk 4, run 4 more; to tell myself that I could run three miles and then keep on doing it every other day for the next 6 months. The only difference between then and now is that I have conditioned myself to take on bigger goals. My first 10K seemed like an eternity.  The first marathon I signed up for I never ran, but I signed up again and the next year I ran my first ˝ marathon followed by my first full marathon.  The first 100-miler I signed up for I cancelled but the following year I ran 50 miles. This year, I learned everything I needed to learn to complete a 100-mile race and accomplished something that had enormous meaning for me.  The road to succ ess has not come in a straight line.  I’ve tried and “failed” at times, I have fallen on my face and come short on some of my goals.  Yet, I have gotten back up and tried again, and again set in the conviction that our past does not equal our future.  By having a plan for success, a system to follow, and by putting enough leverage on myself to accomplish my goal, I put all the chances for success on my side.

Whether you are reaching for a small goal or a big goal, whether it has to do with your personal life or your business, success will always take work. To achieve all that you want in life remember that having a good plan that you can rely upon and keeping your word –to yourself and others– will always serve you well, even when all you want to do is quit!

To your continued success,

James 

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Fear, Anxiety or Excitement –which is it?

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You will have to forgive me again for talking about running this week! This weekend is my big 100-mile race that you have all been reading about for the last six months, so bear with me one more time.  Well, perhaps I will give a recap on what I get from the race next week and then I am done talking about it, I promise!

Anyway, I as I was packing enough clothes and food for the entire crew of the USS Ronald Reagan aircraft carrier tonight, I am feeling a mixture of excitement, fear and anxiety. I always tell my clients, “If you are looking for financial planner, get one who is debt free and works because they choose to”. Same for a coach, “Get one who says I am my own best client.” 

I have been coaching myself hard tonight. On the eve of big life events, it is just like a ride on a roller coaster. There are only two main emotions on a roller coaster…fear and excitement. Picture the people on the ride…clenching onto the shoulder harness in fear and putting their hands up and screaming, “Bring it on!!!” at the top of their lungs.

What allows a person to let go of the shoulder harness of fear and scream with excitement is letting go of expectation and the “What if’s…”, along with having a little bit of faith and trust. Trust that the ride will end safely, faith that it will stay on the track, so you can enjoy the rush of adrenaline that each new exciting experience in life brings. 

Some fear and anxiety is healthy. It is what motivates me to remember to run upstairs and pack my rain jacket just in case. Being able to manage those emotions and put them to good use is critical. It allows you to feel prepared for the ride so you can let go, enjoy it free of expectation and trust that it will be a great ride. 
  
In the end, you will be living a life of events and rides that are thrilling. AND, you may find that you are addicted to the ride. So, I may have to go back on my word that this is the end of my writing about running for a while. After all, there is the Marine Corps Marathon in October with one of my Marine clients who will have just came back from a tour in Afghanistan (Stay safe brother!). And, I just planned for another possible marathon in France in 2013 with another fantastic friend. They serve wine at every water station and everyone dresses up! Life is full of such wonderful rides! 

Enjoy your life since you only have one. Live it fully doing what you love. Have a life full of wonderful tales to tell your grandkids as they sit on your knees! I hope you continue to ride the ride and remember that it is only a slight adjustment to go from fear and anxiety to excitement and fun. Enjoy the ride!

Take Control of Your Life

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My daughter was telling me that other day that it seemed an eternity going from 6 to 7 years old. For me on the other hand, the older I get the faster time flies by. As things move faster and faster in life, finding a balance between work, health, finances and career becomes harder and harder. It is easy to start feeling powerless and out of control.
It is easy to blame feeling out of control on the events and circumstances of life; the boss is too demanding and does not care, the kids’ activities after school are just too much, or stress from your relationship causes you to overeat and drink.  
There are always two ways to take back control of your life. 
The first is to shift your procedures and take control by changing the events and circumstances of life. A person can change jobs to get a new boss, sign the kids up for one less extracurricular activity next season, or join Weight Watchers and start counting points. These procedural changes we all know how to do, but still have a hard time implementing. Most people know what to do, they just don’t do it. 
Your second option?  Change your perception. “Changing perception” involves changing the way a person thinks.  All learning, change, and behavioral shifts happen at the unconscious level. 
Asking yourself better questions and adopting a different identity will help change your own perceptions of who you are and what you believe. The above examples of being stressed presuppose an identity that a person who can’t handle the stressors of life.  If they wanted to, one could choose to adopt different beliefs, such as, “The more energy I put out, the stronger I become”, “The busier I am, the more organized and the more efficient I become”,  “I thrive on life’s challenges: the faster life goes, the more momentum I have”, or “It is good to have a full life of opportunity.”
Implementing new procedures can change your life, and many times, that is precisely what is needed.  But sometimes, the solution lies in changing your perceptions of your identity and adopting a different internal beliefs system.  Those new beliefs are what will allow you to take control of your life!  
What is a more empowering identity and belief that you can adopt? Are there some areas of your life where you need to change your procedures?  Are there some areas of your life where you need to shift your perceptions? 
I look forward to hearing your response and comments! 
To your continued success,

Are You Doing What You Love?

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Overnight, the death toll has risen from 800 to over 10,000 in Japan. I think of all these people who started that day like any other day.  They got up, fed the kids maybe, kissed their loved ones goodbye, and got in their car to go to work? 

  

Out of those 10,000 people who lost their life, I wonder how many people died doing something they loved? How many jumped out of bed that morning and lived that day like it was going to be their last? I know it is very cliche’, but seriously, how many died that day doing something they totally loved?

  

Katherine Mansfield once wrote, ” How can you hesitate? Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinion of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.”

  

My junior high band teacher, Mr. Bob Brown, died while out on a run. I have several other family members who have died doing what they loved or died coming back from doing something they loved. I am almost certain my Grandma Nora died with a crochet needle in her hand because other than playing Kings Corners with her, she was always crocheting another afghan for a loved one!

 

No matter when I die, I want to die doing something I love! I hope I die right at the end of a marathon, a great run, after telling my kids how proud of them I am, after a million dollar coaching call, watching a brilliant sunset or sunrise, or some other life event that is meaningful. I promised my wife I would live at lease one minute longer than her so she would never be widowed. No matter when it is, I want to go right after a moment that is larger than life.

 

The challenge is to live life as consistently as possible in the pursuit of everything that is meaningful to you. Horrendous tragedies like what many in Japan are experiencing remind us that you never know what will happen when you walk out the door in the morning. But you always have control of how you say goodbye to your loved ones before you leave, what you do during the day, and how you help others along the way!

 

Regardless of when that is, end on a high note doing what you love, and make sure you always make others aware of their worth. Tell the important people in your life how much you love them. The only comfort they will have when you are gone is to know that you loved them and that you died doing what you love and living a life of love!  Take control of your life. Choose to make each day count! 

My day is looking pretty exciting all of a sudden! How about yours?

 

To your continued success,

James


Emotional Success

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Emotions vs. Logic
Well, it finally happened. As I was walking my daughter to school the other day, she became very disappointed because in a moment of fear, she realized we had left part of her first grade project at home. I could not pass up the opportunity to console my little one, so I scooped her up in my arms, held her tight and told her how much I understood her disappointment. 
By the time we got to the school, she was begging me to put her down since other kids were looking. I had to put her down because she is not a toddler anymore, and carrying her is not as easy as it once was. The parent behind me must have noticed my pain because their comment hit me like a ton of bricks, “You won’t be able to do that for much longer.”
It was a very true statement; my baby girl is growing up fast. Change is always interesting; we resist it and fight it often.  Mr. Spock from Star Trek stated, “If change is inevitable, predictable and beneficial…doesn’t logic demand that you be part of it?”  Yes, logically I suppose it does.
However, we are much more emotional than logical beings! Deep down, I want to be the loving, protective daddy who scoops up his baby girl in her moment of distress and makes all of her pain go away with my hugs and kisses! 
The bottom line is that everything we do in life is guided more by emotions than logic. There are positive and negative emotions. Positive emotions we want more of, and negative emotions less of. The true way to have all you want in life is to make it your purpose to meet others’ emotional needs; not logically but emotionally, through experiences, shared moments of happiness, love and joy. 
In these challenging times, the people who will shine are the people who make the greatest emotional difference for the world. Remember the words of Gandhi, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Live the emotional states that you want to see in the world. People will be drawn to you like bees to honey. To change around a quote from one of my most important mentors, Zig Ziglar, “You can get everything you want in life, if you just help enough people get emotionally what they want from life.” If you still don’t know what you want emotionally from life, let me give you a clue: everyone wants love, peace, happiness, prosperity, and everyone wants to know they are helping others to achieve the same!

Business Coaching Tip

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“Being average means you are as close to the bottom as you are to the top.” ~John Wooden

If you are not working everyday to give a little more, be a little bit better, put in a little extra effort, and learn a little bit more, you will always be average. Think of your competition, the only way to get ahead of them is to stay on the field just a little bit longer in practice, show up just a little bit earlier, or put that extra special touch in all that you do. A small bit of extra effort today grows, compounds and mulitplies over the weeks, months and years. You only have to be just a little bit better than your competition everyday to be successful. As 5:00pm on Friday rolls around, what can you do to be a little bit better than your competition and rise above average?

Do You Need to Stretch?

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The Boring Life of an Office Supply 
If you are like me, you may be scared to open the desk drawer that holds all of your office supplies. All of those jumbled up rubber bands, paperclips, staples, thumb tacks, and the pad of sticky notes that has become torn apart and has desk lint stuck to the back. If you were one of these poor mixed up office supplies, what a boring life you would lead. They just sit there all day in a jumbled up mess, ignored and waiting to be used. 
Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever felt all jumbled up and confused? Have you felt bored, ignored by others and waiting for something to happen? Have you felt you were living but not really fulfilling your life’s purpose?
There is a solution. Rubber bands need to be stretched in order to hold things together that would otherwise fall apart. Paperclips need tension put on them to hold important papers together that have innovative thoughts, stories and ideas on them. Staples need to separate from the group and be bent in new ways to link thoughts and ideas together long term. Thumb tacks need to be focused and pushed into a specific area to keep things in the line of sight and visible to others. The sticky notes need to be written on with ideas, moments of brilliance and reminders of what is important in life. 
Office supplies take on an exciting life when they are used for their intended purpose. The only thing keeping office supplies from having a life of meaning and fulfillment is that they are dependent on others to use them. 
Thank goodness that we, as humans, are not dependent on others in order to be stretched and used for a purpose! What a gift it is to be able to choose the purpose of our life and how we stretch, put tension on ourselves, and use the gifts we inherently have! 
It is up to you to choose a meaning and purpose for your life today. Let that purpose guide you to make a difference by uniting people or ideas together for a common cause.  Put some tension on yourself, separate from the pack, bend yourself and stretch in a new way, and write down your important thoughts and ideas for later reference. Take action to get yourself out of the drawer and do what you were meant to do. Be free from living the Boring Life of an Office Supply. 
To your continued Success,
James
919.792.0085 
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Are You Taking The Path of Least Resistance?

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The Downward Rush of the Stream…
Some things in life are inevitable. Every year the seasons rotate through Winter, Summer, Spring, and Fall. Nature is full of examples of the inevitable. Water always tends to flow downstream, taking the path of least resistance until it reaches the sea. It is easy to forget that every thought and action has natural consequences that are also inevitable.
Many actions in life become habits that tend to follow the path of least resistance. I read an interesting statistic by Steve Shapiro on New Year Resolutions that stated “Less than 15% of those over 50 achieve their resolutions every year or every other year, while 39% of those in their twenties achieve their resolutions every year or every other year.”
As a parent and “responsible adult” sometimes the path of least resistance becomes a place of comfort. Being in the comfort zone can provide stability, but it can also keep you from enjoying life to the fullest. 
If you think, “I can’t do what a 20-year old can do because I have kids, a job, and too many responsibilities” Think again! 
My wife has some friends who, a few years ago, packed up everything and travelled around the world for an entire year (21 countries in all). At the time, their children were in 5th and 6th grade! It was a risk, but ultimately they chose to achieve one of their life goals sooner rather than later. It paid off in many different levels. Not only did they enjoy an incredible life experience, but they created a stunning book along the way and donated all the profits to charitable children’s causes. 
While some things in life are inevitable, ask yourself, “Am I going to go with the flow or do something to experience all life has to offer?”  

Is Your Message Not Getting Through?

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Effective communication is one of the most challenging issues for anyone working in a team such as a business or organization.  With so many different personality types working together, trying to tailor your communication strategy to each one can be daunting.

The Compliment Sandwich method is a classic and effective tool that we often forget to use.  It is one of the easiest and most effective ways to communicate anything to any personality style.  The conversation will feel genuine and flow smoothly provided that the positive feedback/compliments are genuine and related to your concern(s), and that you do not overuse that technique so that your words don’t seem contrived.

The idea is to start with some positive feedback (the bread), followed by the issue you need to address (the meat of your message), and finish with another compliment or positive feedback (the second piece of bread).  The part that is most overlooked however is the verbiage you use in between the compliments and the main message itself.  Stay away from words like “but”, “although”, or “however”.  The immediate response to those words is defensiveness.  They directly void any positive feedback —however sincere— you started with.

Let’s say that you are having an issue with a team member spending an increasing amount of time at work on personal matters.  You might approach the person this way: 

“John,  We love having you as a part of this team.  Your idea at yesterday’s sales meeting was right on point! AND in fact it’s clear that you have a real impact on our corporate culture in the office; a lot of the junior associates take their cues from you.

So it’s crucial that you limit the time you spend on personal matters whether it be on the phone or online to the times when you are officially on break.  

I know how committed you have been to this organization and I appreciate all your work especially for this last project.  It made a difference.”

Now, let’s add one more concept into the process. There are three different types of postures you can adopt when communicating with someone: authoritative, participative, or subordinate. An authoritative posture is always direct and to the point: “it’s crucial that you do xyz”.  Your main message —the meat of the sandwich— is ALWAYS authoritative so the corrective action is clear and concise. The positive feedbacks or compliments —the bread— are  ALWAYS participative: “We love you being part of the team”.  You are not posturing down or up, you are simply delivering a genuine compliment as one person to another.

We always have a choice on how we

To your continued success,
James

Personal and Professional Coaching

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Your Worst, Best Day?

Many people set small goals in life because they are easy and don’t require overcome many obstacles. Some people set BIG goals in life because they thrive on the challenges that arise on the way to achieving them. And then there are some people, like me, who seem to set BIG goals in life because they are naïve and don’t really comprehend what they will have to overcome to get there.

A few weeks ago, I had to take a trip to a small little town called Grove City in Pennsylvania. We were staying along the highway about 6 miles from town in a very rural place! For my 50-Mile training plan I needed to complete back to back 18 mile training runs the first weekend I was there and another 20 mile run the following Saturday morning before my return flight home.

I had not expected that during this trip the northeast would be hit with one large snowstorm after another the entire time I was there. It snowed and froze the roads with ice the entire first week and I was uncertain how I was going to be able to train over the weekend. However, as Friday approached I was excited! The snow had cleared from shoulder of the roads (rural towns don’t have sidewalks) and Friday evening after class, I set out on my long run. It appeared that it would be a nice but cold evening with little to light snow. I felt that luck was on my side since I did not have to face a four hour fun on the hotel treadmill.

I started out along the clear shoulder of the county road happy as could be! The countryside was covered in snow and it was cold but clear. At the first turnaround at about mile four a light snow started to fall which made the experience even more surreal. I was running along the road, Yanni playing on my iPod, and it seemed a blessed experience. I passed the hotel again at about mile 8 going the opposite direction as the snow continued to fall harder and had accumulated to about half an inch. I crossed the highway and started the long 7 mile stretch into Grove City.

As the sun settled quickly, it brought a dip in temperature and a threefold increase in snow. I was starting to get a little concerned but was determined to finish my run. I slowly started to abandon running on the shoulder of the road because the snow was accumulating and when no cars were coming I could run on the road in the car tracks. When the cars came, I would move back onto the shoulder of the road where the show was getting deeper and deeper. In some places, the shoulder of road was so narrow from the snow drifts I would have to run in snow that was six to 10 inches deep until the road was clear again. My shoes were quickly filled with snow but I was determined to finish the run.

By the time I reached Grove City and turned around with my last 7 miles (I had misjudged the distance and ran farther than I meant to), it was snowing so bad I could only see the road through the car headlights. And, I had not realized it, but I was going to be running back towards the hotel into a 10-20 mile per hour headwind.

By this time, my feet and hands were as frozen as my water bottles and Powerbars. I was a seriously chilled running back into the wind and was starting to shiver as my core temperature dropped. I had nowhere to go but forward. By now the roads were covered also and there was no clear path to run. As I slogged back through three to four inches of snow it was like running on loose sand with two little kids holding onto the back of your shirt to keep you from moving forward. The snowplow passed me twice on the road and I had to step off of the road into a snow bank above my knees, turn my body away from the street, and cover my face as it blasted me with snow from head to knees.

After that second snow plow, I thought to myself, “this sucks and I really, really just want to quit.” The problem was, I was stuck in a really bad place. How could I be so stupid as to put myself in this dangerous predicament, running into oncoming traffic during a serious snow storm, along a road with little or no visability, no way to get out of the path of traffic, with frozen food and water in the middle of rural Pennsylvania?

During those last three to four miles I really had to dig down deep into my reserves and tap into that “hardcore” self that got me through some of my infantry training days. Mentally, emotionally and physically, I was not in a good place.

I had many thoughts during those last miles back and they mostly revolved around, “this is the worst day of my life, why am I doing this race anyway, you should just quit.” I was really struggling to find a meaning for why I had put myself in this situation. Why was I training to run a 50 –mile race to begin with? If I had known that I would be in this place when I had first set the goal, I may not have set the goal! How naïve could I be?

As I stepped back through the doors of the lobby at about 11pm that night, I knew two things for certain. First, those moments were some of the worst moments of my life. Second, “If in the worst moments of my life, I am in the pursuit of what I believe is a worthy goal, could the worst moments of my life really be the best moments of my life?” After all was said and done, my answer was a simple, “Yes.”

Do I want to repeat those moments? No thank you, if I never get back to Grove City in the winter it will be too soon. However, as I ran 18 miles on the treadmill the next day, I was never more thankful for the experience. I felt that way again on the following Friday as I ran on another treadmill into the early morning hours to complete my other training run.

As I head into the trail marathon this weekend and prepare for the BIG race on the 27th, the training run I will remember the most will be the one on that county road, in the middle of a PA snowstorm. I imagine at Mile 30, I will recall Yanni on my iPod reminding me to tap into my emotional reserves. At Mile 35, I will remember my frozen water bottles and Powerbars as I pass another aid station and can nourish myself. At Mile 40, I will remember my frozen self dodging snowplows and oncoming traffic in deep snow drifts up to my knees. At Mile 45, I will remember all too vividly wanting nothing more in life than to give up and quit, but I will continue to run. And at Mile 50, I will remember that when I push through my limitations, on the other side, I come one step closer to knowing a deeper part of my true self. That true self that knows when I am pushed to my limits, I will never give up. And, as I cross that line, I am going to keep on going for another loop, to see just how far to 100 miles I can actually go.

In life, there is only yourself to discover, deeper parts of yourself to find, and unless you dream bigger dreams and push yourself, you will never know how much more you are than you think you are. Your worst day in this lifetime as long as it is spent in the pursuit of a worthy goal, could actually be one of the best and most meaningful days of your life.

There was once a guy who did not know himself so he just sat. One day he decided to get up and found himself walking. As he discovered new things in life, one day he found himself while running.

In 2010, Dream Big and Be BOLD!

To your continued success,

James M Murphy

If you want a BIG life you have to Dream BIG and a FULILLING LIFE comes from enjoying the small moments along the way!

Are you Any-body or some-body?

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Are you Any-body or Some-body Special?

Being different in life is a great way to build your self confidence. The definition of self confidence is, “You decide to take a specific action so that you can earn and deserve the right to feel good about yourself.”

I was contemplating this last weekend on my long run and started to thing about the implications of the definition. I know I have covered this in previous thoughts but some things are so important, sometimes, they bear repeating.

Do you realize the amount of freedom we are blessed to have? In America, almost Any-body can do almost anything. That is the dream and the hope that has built this nation. The sad part about America is that although almost Any-body can do anything, most Any-body and Every-body tends to do what is easiest. We all tend to take the path of least resistance in life. We see this everyday in work, finances, health, and relationships.

Any-body can do something but it takes Some-body special to do what others are not willing too. It takes Some-body special to get up on a Saturday morning at 5am and go out on a training run for 17 miles. Any-body can sneak out of the office early on Friday to get to happy hour but it takes Some-body special to put in that little bit of extra time to get the job done right before leaving. Anybody can go out and get a credit card and get in debt by overspending but it takes a special Some-body to earn, save and actually own their home and car mortgage free. Anybody can put on that extra 20 pounds by sitting on the couch every night watching TV (one statistic I read stated the average child watches 22 hours of TV per week and adults average 8 hours per week—but they can not find time to exercise or spend quality family time). Anybody can go to work for somebody else, not pursue their dreams and put in their 8 hours and go home. It takes a Some-body special to understand their interests, strengths, and purpose in life, create their own business, and take on the risks of being an entrepreneur and providing jobs to others so they can feed their families. Any-body can not be invested in their community and not go out of their way to cultivate friendships outside of co-workers. It takes Some-body to find a meaningful pursuit that helps others less fortunate than them and invest their time building relationships with others. Do you get the point?

My question to you this week is, “In your life, where are you showing up an Any-body?” Where are you doing what Any-body and Every-body else is?” Where are you buying into the status quo of underachievement, living that unfulfilled meaningless life, and believing that you can’t do anything in the current economics to make your life better? Any-body can be an ant, following the ant in front of them, going to the same piece of food, taking your little piece and returning home. It takes a Some-body special ant to break away from the status quo and go find food itself. That is what builds up the self confidence of the ant and in the end benefits the entire community! Step up, face life’s challenges, commit to something different that Any-body COULD do, and be that Some-body special to ACTUALLY do it.

Where’s the B.F.F.?

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Have you heard the acronym B.F.F., which stands for Best Friends Forever? I learned about it last week while watching the last 5 minutes of Paris Hilton’s reality show season finale. She bypassed the two finalists and chose someone that had been previously eliminated as her new BFF. The guy was so excited and in shock that he just couldn’t take the excitement of being picked. He went on and on about how he would be the Best BFF ever and she would never need another BFF, and BFF this and that. After just a few minutes I was BFF’d out and felt sorry for the guy. I think he forgot that he was only going to be her BFF until next season rolled around, at which point he would be easily expendable.

That moment reminded me of something my great grandfather Gabe said, “At the end of your life, if you can count on one hand 5 true friends, you are a lucky man.” I always thought that was interesting. And, I believe it is true. Can you count 5 people right now (not relatives) who would stop everything in their lives to help you out? They would call in sick to work, give you money never expecting it to be repaid, or fly across the country to be of help?

Now I have a bigger question. How many people would be able to count YOU as one of their top 5 friends on their hand? Who would you stop your life for in order to help?

Life is not about how many people will help us out in our time of need but about how many people can count on us in their time of need. If you can’t count 5 people on your hand then how could you? The best way to count 5 people on your hand is to make sure that at least 5 people will count you on theirs FIRST! Like all things worthwhile in this life, we have to give first in order to receive.

I am fortunate to have met such a role model. I recently made another trip to Story City, IA to celebrate the 65th wedding anniversary of Dick and Kay Munsen. One of their friends, Bill Craig, came all the way from New York City to celebrate with them. They pulled out the old slide show pictures one evening for a stroll down memory lane. In the pictures of Dick and Kay’s last son’s baptism, there was Bill Craig and his mother. And now, over 40 years later he was sitting with them again in their living room celebrating another milestone in their lives. He even paid for the entire family’s dinner (no small bill) earlier that evening as a way of saying, “You are special to me.” Do you still stay in touch with your friends from 5, 10 or even 15 years ago? Which friends will you be there for in 40 years?

It is a true blessing at the end of your life if you can count 5 true friends. It would be an even more meaningful life if you could count on all of your fingers and toes the people who would count you as one of their top 5 friends. And, a bonus would be to say that you always gave those relationships 100% of your heart and soul.

I suppose that is the difference between Paris Hilton and this season’s BFF. I would probably pick him as my new BFF over her. She is counting who her newest BFF’s is based on the pleasure he brings to her, while he gives everything that he has to build the relationship and give more than take. I think he is probably going to be richer than her in the long run, even if he is going to be replaced next season. I hope to be more like him as I move forward to develop and build all of my BFF relationships. As long as I keep giving my heart and soul for them to be able to count me on their fingers, I’m not as expendable or able to be replaced next season.

So, to all my BFF’s out there, call me if you want but I plan on staying in touch with you first! I will do my best to be in touch again soon. Remember to call me in your time of need, day or night and I trust you still are counting me on your fingers. Thank you for our many years of friendship and I look forward to many more. (even 40 years from now!)