Beware of the Assumptions You Make Subconsciously
Are you familiar with this parable?
A clergyman was walking along a country road when he saw a young farmer struggling to load a huge pile of hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
“It’s at least 100 degrees out here today and baking hot,’ said the cleargyman, ‘and the sweats pouring off of you. Why don’t you stop and rest for a few minutes?’
‘No, I can’t stop now,’ said the young farmer. ‘my father would not like it at all.’
And he continued re-loading the hay with determination. ‘but surely,’ continued the clergyman, ‘everyone is entitled to short break once in a while. Here, have a drink of water.’
I’d better not,’ said the young farmer, ‘my father would be really mad if I stopped now.’ And he continued reloading the hay.’
‘Your father must be a real slave driver,’ said the clergyman. ‘tell me where he is and I’ll give him a good piece of my mind!’
The young farmer replied, ‘he’s under the load of hay!’
How many times have you been stunned to discover your assumption about a situation did not match the reality of the situation at all? We’ve all been there!
Making assumptions about situations is a natural human behavior. However, being careful in making assumptions is very important. Assumptions influence the general attitudes that a person has. General attitudes lead to what we expect to happen in certain situations. Those expectations over time, lead to creating beliefs that are held to be true. Those beliefs, in turn, influence out actions. And actions determine the Results that we have in life.
Making sure that you assume the best in all situations and all people can have a tremendously positive impact in your life. Over time, assume the best and you will have the best.
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7 Proven Techniques to Be Your Own Executive Coach
I often tell people that, “I am my own best client.” Being an Executive Life Coach gives me the privilege to meet an amazing array of successful leaders, from business owners to executives. Together, we establish new patterns of success, explore more effective ways to approach challenges, and set up strategies to stay on track.
And although a lot happens during a call, a large portion of the work happens outside of a coaching session –namely the client has to engage the motivation to take action and implement the strategies from the call. Here are 7 simple strategies you can use to coach *yourself* whether or not you are in fact working with an executive coach.
1- Stop for a few moments every morning and reconnect with your life’s purpose, truths and desires. Take a look at the big picture of what you want to create, your mission, purpose, and desires for the future. Really focus on getting to your place of truth of what you most desire. Go deeper than, “win the lottery, get a date, take my kids to school and relax tonight watching tv.” Find a moment to reflect on the inner truths of your life. It will serve and guide your decisions and actions the rest of the day.
2- Make a list of the top 3-5 very specific things you are fearing, procrastinating or just plain old scared to death to do. They should be things that are moving you towards your purpose, truth, mission, and desires from step #1. I often ask myself, “If I were to die tonight, what would I do today to die a whole and complete man, knowing that I lived my purpose? What small challenges would I overcome for my own personal triumphs?” Remember the 80-20 rule? That top 20% is the sum of the small action items where you are currently out of integrity because you may be fearful and procrastinating.
3- Move your body to motivate yourself to kick some ass: personally and with others. Pick up that old song, move your body and sing at the top of your lungs. You have to move if you want to create energy. Remember, force = mass X acceleration. If you never move your mass, you will never start to accelerate your life and it will never have any energy. You have to move! We are made to move. Drop the expectations of hours at the gym, do something simple, stretch, walk, and find a way to move! Listen to that song, put your chin up and shoulders back, take a deep breath from down in your diaphragm. Enjoy the feeling!
4- Break the rules. Even yours sometimes! I’m not talking about doing something to get youself in jail but if you would never roll down the windows and sing at the top of your lungs…do it. Break some small rules to experience that little emotional “Yeah” (I repeat, nothing against the law! :D) People stuck in their lives of hum-drum will just tell you to be quiet and keep things even keeled, but emotional moment sticks with you!!! So bring in the passion! Dare to go against expectations, take a risk or buck conventions a bit!
5- Find a peer group to create leverage to complete items #1-4. We all need some outside support to achieve our dreams. I have three very close people (besides my wife) who help to keep me focused, energized and accountable to what I say I am going to do. It is great to have a full life and share it with others. You guys know who you are and “YOU ROCK!” They are my greatest cheer team and they also hold nothing back in terms of direct feedback! Remember, no one stands up and the Oscars to accept the award and says, “Yeah man, I deserve this. I worked my butt off and no one helped me at all. I am the man.” Instead, they always have people to thank for their success. Who would you thank?
6- Learn something new that is of interest to you and apply it. Read all you can and immerse yourself in developing your personal interests. It will build into your life creativity, mastery of skill, and it will become not what you know, but who you are. And, remember to apply one thing you learn everyday until it is mastered in your life.
7- Last and best… Remember to work from you places of strength, not weakness. Remember the basic principles that define who you are and how you want to live your life. Remember that while you may be driving to fix and change something in your life, you are also perfect the way you are now. Remember to stay focused on your basic strengths and use them. If you are a person whose strength is mastering a single task, then become the first chair soloist. And if you are a big picture strategist, become the conductor of the orchestra. Both need each other! Stay focused on who you are and what you can become. Stay away from focusing on what you are not and what you “should” become.
There might be a time when you decide that you need the support and expert guidance of an executive life coach, but there are many times when you can take the task on yourself. These 7 steps can help you to coach yourself.
To your continued success,
James
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How to Be a Magician…
Throughout time there have always been stories of knights, damsels in distress, Kings & Queens, Dragons and Magicians. One of the greatest magicians of lore was Merlin. And for the younger generation, I guess we have to include Dumbledore!
And inevitably, the magician always seems to fade into obscurity as humankind moves from the age of creativity, possibility and imagination to logic, reason and commerce. Did you ever stop to see how the story parallels the human condition?
As a child, anything is possible. Building castles in the sky, creating something from nothing and turning lead into gold. When I started coaching full time in 1999 with Tony Robbins Companies, my wife gave me a small Hallmark ornament of a magician, arms outstretched, in the clouds and a rainbow behind him. I have it on my desk and see it every day to remind me of certain things.
The magician is in all of us, you have talents and skills to create something bigger of yourself and your impact in life.
What is it and how can you reconnect to it? By looking through your experiences of life and seeing what no one else sees! Then asking, “where are my opportunities to create?”
My neighbor is an engineer and he is always looking at things like a simple light switch and is amazed how it works, but more importantly, he naturally sees even deeper than that. He asks, “Who was the person who was able to dream it, create it and make it work?” That is what he naturally wants to know and apply. That is how he creates his own magic.
I see people every day who tell me their problems. As they speak, somehow I am able to see the expressions, gestures, thoughts inside their mind; I can see their goals, challenges, emotions, and more importantly for my clients I can see the patterns of how it all connects. From there, I see the pathway of possibility and infinite potential for them to overcome it all. Somehow, that is how I create magic. And yet, I walk past a light switch every day without naturally noticing the magic there. But when I see it through my neighbor’s eyes, the light switch comes on and I see the magic he creates!
Being a magician and creating magic comes from being curious, learning, growing, and seeing the infinite potentiality in you, others, places and/or things in a way no one else does. It is noticing it in a way that is unique to you! Most of us shut down our internal magician with the thoughts that come right after these magic moments of awareness. Those poor questions come out like, “But how could I do that, what will people think, I don’t have the money, I don’t have the time, I’m not good enough” With those thoughts, your magician slips away and becomes a thing of the past.
Ask yourself this, “Where is the magic in your business, relationships, finances, physical health? What do you see that others don’t?”
Magic comes from knowing yourself and working what you have inside. Increase your awareness of your environment and take notice of what is important to you.
Be the magician, connect with your creativity, imagination and appreciate your special view of the world. Through that gift, work your magic. You will see a path that others don’t, be able to lead them down it, and bring out the infinite potential of yourself and them.
There are still dragons to slay, damsels to rescue, sunsets to ride off into and magic to work! And, if you look in the right place and work your magical gifts, you will find that Merlin is still very much alive.
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One Word is All You Need
I just read a great article in Success Magazine last month which was based on the principle that increasingly our most scarce resource is not our time but our attention.
These days phones, apps, tablets, computers, texts, and emails not only compete for our time, but almost more importantly, they compete for our attention. It is great to set an appointment reminder on your phone, but when you start getting reminders, texts, and calls while you are working to achieve your goal, these things become distractions.
Clearly, there is no going backward. So, in our technologically advanced world, what is the one word to implement to increase your chance of succeeding?
Immersion.
Immersion to me, means putting 100% of your focus into your goal. Immersion means to put all of your Attention, Time, Learning, Action, or Reflection towards the successful completion of a single item that will move you towards your goal.
What are the areas you can Immerse yourself in to achieve your goals? Here are four general areas for Immersion.
- Your Mind: Immerse your mind in your goal constantly. Turn off the radio and start to listen audiobooks about information regarding your goal. Change your passwords to reflect your goal, my old one was Run100inApril. I read books and autobiographies of ultramarathon runners, browsed websites, and in every free moment immersed myself in learning and staying motivated about my goal.
- People: As Tony Robbins says, “you will rise or fall to the level of your peer group.” If you need an upgrade on your friends, find some new ones with whom you share common interests and goals. Find a mentor who has achieved what you want and befriend him or her. The idea is to always play chess with someone better than you!
- Places: If you are working to become sober, the last place you should hang out on weekends is at the bar! Seems obvious when talking about alcohol, but it’s just as valid with other goals. Your environment has beliefs and norms associated with it and you will unconsciously conform and become a part of the environment you put yourself in consistently. Change your environment to change yourself. You might also kill two birds with one stone by also finding new people there!
- Material Items: One of the tenets of Feng Shui, is that every item has an emotional association. That is why that little Teddy Bear you received on Valentine’s might have seemed great, yet once you break up it gets the stuffing ripped out and thrown in the trash! And don’t worry, nature does not like a vacuum, so anything you toss out while “clearing your clutter” will eventually be replaced by something better. Get rid of the junk in your life that no longer serves you; old clothes, pictures, books, anything that does not support your goals!
Giving your goals Consistent Time and Attention by Immersing your mind in learning as well as making sure the people, places and things in your life reflect your goals will greatly increase your chances of succeeding. It’s hard to fail when you eat, sleep, think, live and breathe your goal!
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January Promotion…Enter to win a FREE Color Nook!
Is your commitment to your 2012 New Year Resolution fading fast?
Is this going to be another year of telling yourself, “I know what I need to do, I just need to do it!”
And still nothing happens, except looking in the mirror feeling like a failure.
There are three steps to creating change and achieving your New Year’s Resolutions:
- Create a “compelling” vision that is clear, concise & focused
- Get the best tools possible to get there; a map, mentor & coach
- Resolve the inner conflicts that prevent your success
Most people can get step number one completed but they stop there.
Perhaps they even get a great coach, mentor or map, but still fail to get results.
The Solution: All Learning, Change & Behavior happens at the unconscious level. It is not about logically “knowing” what you need to do. You need a coach or mentor that will help you to identify and resolve your inner conflicts first. The second step then becomes creating the new habits and behaviors for success.
That is where most people and most coaches fail. Unless someone is trained in how to not only identify the conflicts, but get their clients to resolve them, change never happens at the rate people desire. It takes a very long time!
If your coach or mentor does not have the experience to see the patterns of thinking and behavior that are causing conflict and the skills of NLP, Hypnosis, or Time Line Therapy to resolve them, you are going to fail at your New Year Resolutions.
Call or email today for a Complimentary Strategy Session to make good on your New Year’s Resolutions!
You will identify a clear “compelling” vision, get the best mentor and coach, and have an experience with NLP, Hypnosis and/or Time Line Therapy® in every session to Accelerate Your Success and achieve Rapid Results.
Between now & January 31, 2012 for every person you refer for a Complimentary Strategy Session, you will be entered to win a Color Nook from Barnes & Noble!!! Drawing on February 1, 2012.
You can have the life you have dreamed of this year. It is waiting for you!
To your continued success,
James M. Murphy
Executive & Life CoachPowerful, Proven Strategies to Generate More Business and Create an Amazing Personal Life!
(919) 792-0085 Office
(919) 745-7569 Direct
Is Life Coaching and Executive Coaching Effective? Experts Speak Out
Whether you’re interested in Executive Coaching or Life Coaching, personal coaching can help you get unstuck or perform better.
Here is what others have to say:
“People who use a career coach find jobs 15% to 46% faster than those who don’t, according to a study by talent management firm Lee Hecht Harrison.”
– Wall Street Journal Jan. 2009
“Business Coaching is attracting America’s top CEO’s because, put simply, business coaching works. Asked for a conservative estimate of the the monetary payoff from the coaching they got, these managers described an average return of more than $100,000, or about six times what the coaching had cost their companies.”
– FORTUNE Magazine Feb 2001
“A coach may be the guardian angel you need to rev up your career.”
– MONEY Magazine
“If ever stressed out corporate America could use a little couch-time, it’s now. Trust in big companies is at an all-time low. Baby-boomers have been burned; Gen Xers aren’t expecting the Corporation to take care of them. Under the circumstances, employees are much likelier to go outside and get independent advice to help them be better managers.”
– Karen Cates, Northwestern’s Kellogg Graduate School of Management
“Between 25 percent and 40 percent of Fortune 500 companies use executive coaches.”
– Suvey, The Hay Group, International
“Across corporate America, coaching sessions at many companies have become as routine for executives as budget forecasts and quota meetings.”
– Investors Business Daily
“Coaches are not for the meek. They’re for people who value unambiguous feedback. All coaches have one thing in common, it’s that they are ruthlessly results-oriented.”
– Fast Company Magazine
“Coaching is the universal language of change and learning.”
– CNN
“Executives and HR managers know coaching is the most potent tool for inducing lasting personal change.”
– Ivy Business Journal
“Part therapist, part consultant, part motivational expert, part professional organizer, part friend, part nag — the personal coach seeks to do for your life what a personal trainer does for your body.”
– Minneapolis-St. Paul Star-Tribune
“Once used to bolster troubled staffers, coaching now is part of the standard leadership development training for elite executives and talented up-and-comers at IBM, Motorola, J.P. Morgan, Chase, and Hewlett Packard. These companies are discreetly giving their best prospects what star athletes have long had: a trusted adviser to help reach their goals.”
– CNN.com
“Got a nagging feeling that your life could be more fulfilling? Want to change direction but aren’t sure how to do it? Here’s how to jump start your new life today … Hire a personal coach.”
– Modern Maturity
“Increasingly, nonprofit executives and managers are finding coaches a terrific sounding board and source of help in a demanding and complex job.”
– Nonprofit World
“The goal of coaching is the goal of good management: to make the most of an organization’s valuable resources.”
– Harvard Business Review
“An Ethics Resource Center study found that 90% of employees value leaders with integrity as highly as they value income. The Manchester survey of 140 companies shows nine in 10 executives believe coaching to be worth their time and dollars. The average return was more than $5 for each $1 spent.”
– The Denver Post
“What’s really driving the boom in coaching, is this: as we move from 30 miles an hour to 70 to 120 to 180……as we go from driving straight down the road to making right turns and left turns to abandoning cars and getting motorcycles…the whole game changes, and a lot of people are trying to keep up, learn how not to fall.”– John Kotter, Harvard Business School
How To Get a Raise
Would you like to make more money? Would you like to get a raise at work this year? Here is the solution.
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.
Most unsuccessful people do not act because they cannot see the reward. They hold back from putting in extra effort because “it’s not their job, it’s not in their job description, or the last time they did it the success did not come.”
However, if you act for the betterment of others, because you know it is the right thing to do, every good deed must be reciprocated. It may not be in that moment, but it will eventually. If the peasant had not started kicking small rocks off the road that hurt when you stepped on them, then moved on to larger stones and then larger rocks, he never would have attempted to move the boulder all by himself.
The key is to overcome the obstacles at your workplace that most others are walking around. What are the things that everyone is avoiding in the office? Sometimes you have to stop what you are doing, assess the situation from a new perspective, act just because it is the right thing to do, put your effort into something for the betterment of others and have faith that there will be a reward at the end.
The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition and no good deed ever goes unrewarded.
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5 Strategies To Deal With Holiday Stress
It’s starting already… there are Holiday decorations at the local stores!!! Fall is here and the change of seasons marks the beginning of a four month stretch of holidays and stress. Here are five solid tips on reducing your stress between Halloween and New Year’s.
1- Get Solid Sleep in Terms of Quantity & Quality
Your body needs proper sleep so that it can rejuvenate itself every night. Since a normal sleep cycle lasts about 90 minutes, keep your sleep in 90 minute intervals (6, 7.5 or 9 hours) so you can wake more refreshed every day.
Almost as important, give yourself a consistent bedtime. Your body has a natural rhythm. The more consistent you are at going to bed, the more rested you will be.
If falling asleep is an issue for you, there are other steps you can take to help. Beyond the obvious advice to avoid caffeine 4 to 6 hrs before bedtime, create a sleep routine for yourself, and give yourself some quiet time 20-30 minutes before bed. What you focus on during that time is what you will unconsciously think of all night. Similarly, don’t eat a large, heavy meal before bed and keep your bedroom relatively cool and well ventilated. On the nutrition side, you might want to try to have a light snack with protein (a glass of milk, sliced turkey on a rice cake) or a cup of chamomile tea to induce sleep.
2- Always take the healthiest eating choice
Stay away from telling yourself, “I can’t have that sweet,” it creates scarcity. An easier way to handle all of the treats, desserts, and drinks is to always take the healthiest choice. Instead of the double layer chocolate cake, take the chocolate chip cookie. Watch out for too much caffeine and sugars.
Keep your sanity and don’t diet during the holidays. Make it your goal to stay the same weight! There are so many treats, desserts, parties, and temptations. Eat and drink in moderation. Incidentally, there is a connection between overeating and being tired, so make sure you do get enough sleep, it’ll help you be in the frame of mind to make better choices.
3- Find a way to exercise, no excuses
Not only will it help you burn those extra calories you are bound to take in, but the body is made to move so we can feel better. Look for a way to physically move every day. You can find a 4-minute workout on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXy3NjHtBSc&NR=1 It will boost your metabolism and help you feel better. Remember, where there is a will, there is a way. If you don’t make time for your body, your body will make you make time for it, in the way of colds, flu, and no energy.
4- Give yourself a Time-Out
Take a yoga class, learn to meditate, or put on that relaxing music for 5 minutes. When things get too crazy give yourself a time-out. There are many ways to do it. For some, taking a breather could mean taking a 15 minute walk around the block, giving yourself permission to sit and watch a specific TV show, or sneaking in 5-minutes of quiet time in your car in the parking lot. For others, it could mean making the commitment to “unplug” from all electronics for a night each week.
5- Plan ahead but stay flexible
Schedule your sleep, exercise, and time-outs for the next four months in your calendar right now, and make the commitment to stick to them. But, when things start to go crazy-busy, stay flexible in prioritizing the day. Don’t just let the scheduled de- stress time disappear. Immediately reschedule it. Stay proactive and flexible.
If you start feeling overwhelmed, “brain dump” everything that you need to do on a piece of paper and put a “label” on each line item. Decide if it’s “important and urgent”, “important but not urgent”, “urgent but not important” or “not urgent and not important”.
Classifying your to-dos, will help you decide what needs to be tackled right away or left on the schedule, and what can be pushed back or eliminated entirely.
The whole period around the holidays can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be something you dread. Stress is best managed by being proactive. It’s often a response to overwhelm and a general sense of lack of control –too many things coming at you and too little time to complete them.
So choose to take back that control and manage the holiday stress by being proactive in your planning and setting yourself up with the coping skills you need to enjoy the holiday season.
For more tips and strategies about increasing your motivation and personal effectiveness, boosting your self-confidence and developing a clearer focus go to http://www.evolutionforsuccess.com. James Murphy is a personal development expert and executive coach. He can be reached directly at 919-745-7569.
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Use Adversity As a Stepping Stone: The Parable of the Wise Old Mule
Adversity causes some men to break, others to break records. William A. Ward
We all have challenges that crop up, we all hit roadblocks or situations that seem overwhelming or even hopeless. And in each instance, we have a choice. We can give in to the fear, the frustration, the sense of hopelessness or we can use each difficult situation as a springboard to rebound and come out stronger.
One of my favorite parables is the one of the farmer and the wise old mule… It’s been told and retold countless times, but it’s a great reminder that often the problems we face also have the potential to benefit us.
A parable is told of a farmer who owned an old mule. The mule fell into the farmer’s well. The farmer heard the mule ‘braying’ — or whatever mules do when they fall into wells. After carefully assessing the situation, the farmer felt sorry for the mule, but decided that neither the mule nor the well was worth saving. Instead, he called his neighbors together and told them what had happened and asked them to help haul dirt to bury the old mule in the well and put him out of his misery.
Initially, the old mule was hysterical! But as the farmer and his neighbors continued shoveling and the dirt hit his back, a thought struck him. It suddenly dawned on him that every time a shovel load of dirt landed on his back: he should shake it off and step up! This is what the old mule did, blow after blow. “Shake it off and step up… shake it off and step up… shake it off and step up!” he repeated to encourage himself.
No matter how painful the blows, or distressing the situation seemed, the old mule fought “panic” and just kept right on shaking it off and stepping up! You guessed it! It wasn’t long before the old mule, battered and exhausted, stepped triumphantly over the wall of that well! What seemed like it would bury him, actually end up blessing him. – Author Unknown
And how often does it hold true in our own lives? Sometimes, it’s not easy to see that silver lining. And often, to see it, you need to look at the adversities you face from a completely different angle. So next time you feel discouraged, ask yourself how you can use adversity as a stepping stone to success.
Do you have a parable or story you love or that inspire you? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
****
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Hesitation is the leading cause of roadkill
What’s the surest way to chip away at your self-esteem? You guessed it: hesitation! Join me as we look at how hesitation –a by-product of not being clear on what you want– leads to self-doubt and what you can do about it.
4 Steps to Increase Your Self-Confidence Today!
One dose of self-confidence for the guy in the corner, please!
There are two core basic needs that everyone strives to have fulfilled in their life: experience unconditional love and have a sense of value and worth.
Everyone works to meet these internally and externally.
The problem is that the needs have to be met internally first, otherwise, no matter how much love a person gets from others or how much other people to work to build their sense of value and worth, it will never be enough and a void will be present.
Self-confidence needs to be nurtured on four different levels:
- mental,
- emotional,
- physical and
- spiritual.
So, that begs the question, “How can a person develop more self-confidence” for themselves internally?
Glad you asked!
You develop self confidence when, you decide to take a specific action, so that you can earn and deserve the right to feel good about yourself, and then celebrate your success.
Let’s break it down and see why this seems so simple and yet it can be so challenging to accomplish.
1- “you need to decide.”
This is challenging because this step requires a person to really stop, define what is important to them, and CHOOSE what action to take that will lead them to a desired outcome.
This action has to be for you, about you, and be meaningful to you and you alone. It can’t PRIMARILY be for your spouse, kids, preacher, mom, dad, friends, or any other social influence. It has to be for you first.
2 – it has to be a specific action
Specific and measureable actions mean that once you have achieved the action you have to be aware of it. This gives absolute proof so you can’t talk yourself out of celebrating!
It is not enough to say that you are going to call some people. You have to specific, “I am going to call 5 prospects today and ask for referrals.” Even then, some people say, “well, I did call 5, but I could have called 10.” That’s a no-no!
3- “so you can earn and deserve.”
I have said it a thousand times. When you define any goal, you automatically put all of your obstacles in place. If you are going to feel good about yourself, you have to set a specific goal meaningful to you and take action to overcome the obstacles (mental, emotional, physical and spiritual) the goal came with, before you feel that you have “earned and deserve” the right to feel good about yourself.
“Earned and deserve” implies that you have put some work, overcome adversity, and succeeded in the task you set out for yourself. This is where self respect, integrity, honor, and courage are bred.
Then and only then, when all three steps have been accomplished INSIDE OF YOURSELF can you really feel like you deserve that feeling of self-confidence. It is not free. Self-confidence does not just stop by, ring the doorbell, share a pizza with you on the couch, and miraculously, when you get up the next morning, you have lost a pound, feel great about yourself, and are full of energy! Would be terrific if it worked that way, but sadly, it does not!
4- once you achieve your goals, you have to celebrate!
And, I recommend that you celebrate at 100%. If you want the self-confidence to stick, you had better celebrate and anchor in the great feelings.
If you talk yourself out of your success with language such as, “Yeah, but I should have done more, I could have been better, I need to work harder” Self-confidence does not stay for long. It is good for you to acknowledge yourself and being great, working hard, and achieving success.
NOTHING IS TOO SMALL TO CELEBRATE!
So, there you have it! Self-confidence in a can!
Comment below and let me know what you do to develop confidence in your life. I bet your list is a lot longer than you think it is!
Your Beliefs Hold the Key to Your Results and Your Success
Have you ever been wrong?
Our beliefs –whether rooted in the truth or not– are directly connected to the results we get and the personal and professional success we experience.
In our subdivision, there is a very large fountain that welcomes visitors and residents into the neighborhood. My son Nicolas and I were out running the other day, and as we approached the fountain, I noticed it was not working. I made an offhand comment to Nicolas, something to the effect of, “That’s strange, they don’t have the fountain on today.” Quick as a whistle, Nicolas said, “That’s OK Dad. I will make it come on in 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. NOW! Look, its magic!” And, the fountain turned on!
There was another time during my military training where we had to qualify with our M-16’s. I had never qualified “Expert” in any of our training and there were very few of us who were optimistic about their performance on qualification day. It’s hard to shoot straight when you are sleep deprived and shivering in 40 degree, rainy weather! As you could surmise, many of my colleagues were very competitive and there was a lot of posturing over who would score Expert and who wouldn’t. When all was said and done I scored 39 hits out of 40, an Expert. It was the best I had ever shot. As I walked back, I was still in disbelief. It took me a while to believe I had could have, and did, perform so well.
Each of us possess beliefs we hold to be true that have been created or that we adopted from peers and society. I have to ask, “Have you ever been wrong?”
- What do others believe to be true about you and your life right now?
- What do you believe to be true about you and your life right now?
- What if what you thought was true, was in fact wrong?
Other peoples’ beliefs about you and what you are capable of achieving in life are not true. Whatever you or others think you are; you are more than that. Whatever you or others think you can achieve in life, you can achieve more than that. Other people’s beliefs do not determine your results, however, your beliefs do determine your results. Many times success in life comes by being one step ahead of the norms and beliefs that society holds to be true.
And as for the mystery of the fountain, I had been looking down as Nicolas and I were running. I did not see that the fountain stopped half a second before I looked up. As a result, what I perceived to be true, was wrong. Many times in life our perceptions of what is true, are false.
The people who succeed in the next ten years and experience prosperity will be able to challenge what they and others believe to be right. What if now was the best time to invest, make money, and succeed?
If you find yourself stuck with no way out, not believing in yourself, or surrounded by others who are sharing their doom and gloom, ask yourself, “Have I (or they) ever been wrong? What if they were?”
There is amazing potential and opportunity waiting for you in life at this very moment. In order to seize these opportunities, you might have to challenge someone’s long held belief, and maybe even a few of your own!
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Outcome vs. State, Who Won?
Are you sitting on the sidelines waiting to get in the game? Ask yourself, “What do I want to have right now?”
How you answered the question could be the difference between success and disappointment. Successful people have a specific outcome in mind as opposed to an emotional state.
An outcome is a specific result that you are focused on achieving. It is the left brain answer to your question. In land navigation every point has a specific grid coordinate. A person on a trip to Hawaii needs a specific grid coordinate to tell them exactly where they are starting from, where they are in the process of the flight, and how they will know when they have achieved their final destination. Without the grid coordinates a person is easily lost. Our lives are the same way. It is important to be able to answer this question in order to define your outcomes, “What is the specific result that I am focused on achieving today?”
A state is the exact opposite. It is a right brain answer and will be defined as value (feeling word) and is 100% emotional. Using the Hawaii example, a state is what you are going to be feeling once you step off of the plane: rest, relaxation, peace, quiet, tranquility, etc. It will be the emotional experience that is defined by your achieving your outcome.
Why is this distinction important? Because of one simple principle: Motion Creates Emotion. Motion creates momentum and momentum is power, energy and force. The reverse is not automatically true. Emotion does not always lead to motion. Do you need proof? I will give two words, lethargy and depression.
A person who is looking for a new experience must define their outcome; choose to take action towards its achievement so the desired emotional state will be produced.
So, if you hear someone talk in a language pattern of, “When I feel happy, then, I will get up and go walk” or “Once I get past this tired feeling, I will get to the gym,” they never will get to the emotional states that they most desire from life. However, if they would bet up and go for a walk first, chances are they would feel happy and if they get to the gym to work out, they will probably get past the tired feeling.
Ask yourself, “What do I want? What’s my outcome; What is the specific result that I am focused on achieving?”
Having the answer to these question is critical to your success.
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Trouble Staying Focused on Your End Goal?
It’s easy to loose focus on your end goal when all you see is obstacles in front of you.
When we lived in Arizona, one of my neighbors was a firefighter for the City of Tempe. One day, we started reminiscing about our respective training experiences; my Marshal Service days, his firefighter training. One of the training exercises they conducted was to place a dark gray cover on the inside of their air mask to simulate being blinded by smoke and then practice moving in buddy teams to clear a home, conduct a rescue, or practice putting out a fire. They had to rely on something outside of what they could immediately see, in order to succeed.
I guess that is true in many professions, take airline pilots for example. Have you ever really noticed how small the windows are in the front of the plane? When it is raining, dark, or they are in the clouds, how functional are the windows in helping them stay on course? Many times they have to fly blind.
Invariably, these same challenges happen in the pursuit of dreams and goals. Our vision can become blocked or clouded by obstacles and we can not see where we are going. What is there to rely upon in these times of need?
Staying focused on several things will allow forward movement towards our dreams.
* First, stay focused on the end goal, NOT what is blocking the line of sight. Expect and anticipate the moment when you will lose sight of where you are but don’t lose sight of the end goal. Anticipate the challenges.
* Second, focus on core training principles, habits and behaviors that have allowed you to succeed in the past.. This helps to control the fear, anxiety, nervousness, or other emotional states that may be experienced when obstacle blocks your view. To keep your focus, remember your support team, your co-pilot or buddy you are entering the burning house with.
* Third, rely on the fundamental instruments of your profession. Revert back to using the basic tools of your trade to stay on track and measure success. The firefighter relies on his boots, jacket, helmet, and breathing apparatus. The pilot relies on the compass, altimeter, fuel gauges, wind gauges and communication equipment. What are the instruments of faith you can rely upon in times of need?
When you are lost suddenly and can not see where you are going in pursuit of your goals. STOP, take a moment and reflect on what you can rely on. Who can you turn to in your buddy team for mental, emotional and spiritual support? No one ever achieves a goal without the help from someone who believes in them. What are the tools of your trade that you can always rely on without hesitation? Is it your brilliant mind, your technical aptitude, your emotional intelligence? What are your unique abilities that you take for granted everyday?
And, lastly, as you move through the inferno of obstacles or are blinded by the rain, clouds, and storm, keep faith and focus on your end destination. No fire can rage on forever and every storm eventually brings sunny days.
Remember, there are so many more resources available in the world to achieve your goals than are in your direct line of sight. It would even be exciting to put the screen in your visor and move into your obstacles once in a while. There is newfound confidence and freedom when the exercise is over and it has been a job well done.
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