After Thanksgiving Thought

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Thank you to everyone who sent out their warm wishes for Thanksgiving. It is important to stop at times and remember all of the things in life that we are thankful for; friends, family, job, career, health, etc.

I was thinking about the holiday and wondered what it would be like if, in order to balance out Thanksgiving, we had a Receiving Day?

Some people have a hard time receiving the gifts offered to them and it costs them their self-confidence, personal power and self-worth.

It reminded me of the story of the little girl who was so excited and grateful that she and her daddy went out for ice cream. She got a big scoop of vanilla on a sugar cone and it was looking so good. As she stepped outside of the ice cream shop, she tripped forward and “SPLAT” went the ball of ice cream on the ground. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked up at her daddy. But then, she noticed the sign in the window behind her daddy of a sugar cone with two and three scoops of ice cream. So, she started begging daddy to get the two and three scoop ice cream cones to replace the one she had just tipped off the cone. Did Dad go for it and get her the two or three scoop cone? No. If you can’t handle one scoop of ice cream, why would someone turn around and give you even more than you can handle?

The same principle applies with receiving.

When someone pays you a compliment, do you feel uncomfortable and do you feel automatically compelled to give that person a compliment in return? If someone offers to buy you lunch, do you start playing the “see who can sneak the credit card to the waiter first” game? If someone gives you a gift, do you feel compelled to get them a gift in return?

If the answer is yes, you might want to ask yourself whether or not it’s because you place less value and worth in yourself than the person giving you a gift. You send a signal to yourself that you are somehow a little “less than” or not as deserving as others might think. Talk about an undermining belief pattern!

In order to handle a second and third scoop, master the phrase, “Thank you.” And let it go.

That can be tricky since reciprocating is also a form of politeness, but then again, so is accepting a compliment graciously.

As often as you can, practice graciously accepting what your friends, co-workers, clients and life are offering you. Don’t be too quick to dismiss someone’s appreciation of you in an effort to appear humble.

Be a thankful and a gracious receiver.

Nothing is too small to be grateful for. Practice receiving compliments, money, and gifts this season with a simple and sincere, “Thank you.”

It may seem odd at first, but what you receive in return will be a real gift!

Thank you!!!

 

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How To Get a Raise

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Would you like to make more money? Would you like to get a raise at work this year? Here is the solution.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

Most unsuccessful people do not act because they cannot see the reward. They hold back from putting in extra effort because “it’s not their job, it’s not in their job description, or the last time they did it the success did not come.”

However, if you act for the betterment of others, because you know it is the right thing to do, every good deed must be reciprocated. It may not be in that moment, but it will eventually. If the peasant had not started kicking small rocks off the road that hurt when you stepped on them, then moved on to larger stones and then larger rocks, he never would have attempted to move the boulder all by himself.

The key is to overcome the obstacles at your workplace that most others are walking around. What are the things that everyone is avoiding in the office? Sometimes you have to stop what you are doing, assess the situation from a new perspective, act just because it is the right thing to do, put your effort into something for the betterment of others and have faith that there will be a reward at the end.

The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition and no good deed ever goes unrewarded.

 

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Your Beliefs Hold the Key to Your Results and Your Success

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Have you ever been wrong?

Our beliefs –whether rooted in the truth or not– are directly connected to the results we get and the personal and professional success we experience.

In our subdivision, there is a very large fountain that welcomes visitors and residents into the neighborhood. My son Nicolas and I were out running the other day, and as we approached the fountain, I noticed it was not working. I made an offhand comment to Nicolas, something to the effect of, “That’s strange, they don’t have the fountain on today.” Quick as a whistle, Nicolas said, “That’s OK Dad. I will make it come on in 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. NOW! Look, its magic!” And, the fountain turned on!

There was another time during my military training where we had to qualify with our M-16’s. I had never qualified “Expert” in any of our training and there were very few of us who were optimistic about their performance on qualification day. It’s hard to shoot straight when you are sleep deprived and shivering in 40 degree, rainy weather! As you could surmise, many of my colleagues were very competitive and there was a lot of posturing over who would score Expert and who wouldn’t. When all was said and done I scored 39 hits out of 40, an Expert. It was the best I had ever shot. As I walked back, I was still in disbelief. It took me a while to believe I had could have, and did, perform so well.

Each of us possess beliefs we hold to be true that have been created or that we adopted from peers and society. I have to ask, “Have you ever been wrong?”

  • What do others believe to be true about you and your life right now?
  • What do you believe to be true about you and your life right now?
  • What if what you thought was true, was in fact wrong?
Other peoples’ beliefs about you and what you are capable of achieving in life are not true. Whatever you or others think you are; you are more than that. Whatever you or others think you can achieve in life, you can achieve more than that. Other people’s beliefs do not determine your results, however, your beliefs do determine your results. Many times success in life comes by being one step ahead of the norms and beliefs that society holds to be true.

And as for the mystery of the fountain, I had been looking down as Nicolas and I were running. I did not see that the fountain stopped half a second before I looked up. As a result, what I perceived to be true, was wrong. Many times in life our perceptions of what is true, are false.

The people who succeed in the next ten years and experience prosperity will be able to challenge what they and others believe to be right. What if now was the best time to invest, make money, and succeed?

If you find yourself stuck with no way out, not believing in yourself, or surrounded by others who are sharing their doom and gloom, ask yourself, “Have I (or they) ever been wrong? What if they were?”

There is amazing potential and opportunity waiting for you in life at this very moment. In order to seize these opportunities, you might have to challenge someone’s long held belief, and maybe even a few of your own!

 

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Are You Running Away from Your Problems?

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…Lessons from NLP and dog training

How do you deal with challenges? Do you face your problems head on or do you pull away from them?

Richard Bandler, the father of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), once said that everything he learned about human behavior he learned from his dog. I thought that was a very peculiar statement until I took a dog training course a few years back.

Do you know what to do when being attacked by a dog? Often, in a moment of fear, we react in a counterproductive way. This is also how we sometimes deal with challenges in life.

What would be your first reaction if you were outside, a barking dog was running toward you, and it looked like it was going to attack? The normal reaction would be to turn around and run. Many times in life, when confronted with our problems, we turn around and run. However, all that does is encourage the dog to attack, and in the end, your chances of being bitten just skyrocketed. A better strategy is to turn sideways to the dog, freeze in place, and slowly put out your hand for the sniff test. Why? Because this behavior tells the dog that you are not a threat. It is not an aggressive stance. By taking a quarter turn away from the dog you are still looking at it but not facing it in an adversarial position.

Many of life’s problems only require us to stay put for a second, take a deep breath, turn a little to one side or the other, adjust our perceptions, and then slowly extend ourselves to the problem in order to find resolution.

If the dog continues to charge toward you and bites down on your arm, what then? What would you do?

Panic and fear usually kick in and we try to pull away from the biting dog. Wrong idea! If you follow that instinct, instead of only getting a few puncture wounds from the teeth, you will end up ripping the flesh on your arm as you pull and jerk away.

The appropriate strategy is to “Make him eat it!”

If you move into the problem with aggressiveness and shove your arm deeper into the dog’s mouth, the dog will end up choking on your arm and will have to release its hold on you. The energy you spend by giving the dog what he wants will actually cause the problem to stop.

Many times, our problems are the same way. When we move into the problem, use its energy in an effective way to move through it, instead of pulling back, the problem loses its grip and you may find yourself free of the challenge.

As you think of the problems and challenges in your life, are you running away or pulling away from them?

Remember, the first step is to just stop! No emotional state lasts forever. Turn sideways a little bit to see it from a different perspective. If the problems and challenges already have an emotional hold on you, STOP pulling away from them, take a deep breath and push forward into it with all of your might. You may find that the problem will lose its grip on you. You can set yourself free.

 

 

Are Ants invading your personal space???

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Our thoughts are just like ANTS. Those Automatic Negative ThoughtS (A.N.T.S.) are constantly on the move looking for something sweet to feed on. A person’s brain is always thinking and creating new thoughts and beliefs, even while we sleep.
 
Learning to direct our thoughts to those healthy food sources will lead to a more productive, fruitful, and positive mindset. Listen now to my latest podcast to learn how to deal with the ANTS that may be invading your personal space!

Until next time,
James


Everything I need in life I learned from "The Matrix"

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Everyone loves a great movie and once in a while, a movie comes along that has the right amount of action, character development, intrigue and a REAL MESSAGE in it. 


The Matrix trilogy is 100% based in the psychology of personal responsibility, choice, and the belief that we create our reality. Here are some great lines from the movie that all contain a messages of empowerment, personal choice and our ability to create the life that we desire.

  • It is a good idea to keep in mind that everything you know could be wrong.
  • In life, there isn’t just one matrix, there are many. Meaningless work, TV and corrosive relationships just to name three. How many of them “have” you?
  • Even a hero can get scared, drop his phones off the side of a building and give up. He just doesn’t let it end that way.
  • Sometimes everything hangs by a single decision: red pill or blue pill. But often that critical choice isn’t always so obvious. It could come at any time. It could be right now.
  • What are you waiting for? You’re faster than this. Don’t think you are…know you are. Come on! Stop trying to hit me and hit me!
  • You have to let it all go, Neo: Fear, Doubt, Disbelief. Free…your…mind.
  • When it comes to leaping from skyscraper to skyscraper, everyone falls the first time. It doesn’t mean anything.
  • I have these memories from my life. None of them happened. What does that mean? That the Matrix can not tell you who you are.
  • Sorry kid. You’ve got the gift. But it looks like you are waiting for something.
  • There’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.
  • I didn’t come here to tell you how it is going to end. I came here to tell you how it’s going to begin. I’m going to hang up this phone and then I’m going to show these people what you don’t want them to see. I’m going to show them a world without you: a world without controls, without borders or boundaries, a world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is up to you.

So, what are your favorite movie lines? How about, “Oh Captain, my Captain!” (Dead Poet’s Society) “Freedom!” (Braveheart) and one of my all time favorites, “Be the ball!” (Caddyshack).  I would love to hear yours!


Until next time!


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Thanks for reading! If you know someone who could benefit from this, feel free to forward it to them!  

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The 3 Principles of Wealth

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Money is Emotion

If you gave anyone three wishes, one of them would, for most people, be to have financial abundance and certainty to the point where “they would never have to worry about money again.”

If you want to have that level of financial certainty in life…there are only three fundamental financial principles you need to master. Although they are frustratingly simple, they can be a challenge to put into practice.

  • First and foremost, it’s critical to understand that money is used to buy an emotional experience. In other words, the reason people are willing to buy something is for the emotional experience it provides them. That principle applies the the frappuccino at Starbucks as much as the laptop you purchased.
  • The second law of income is that you will only have as much money as you can successfully manage. It is a fallacy to think that you once you have a certain amount of money, you will never have to worry about money again. The richest and most successful people are distinctly aware of how and where they spend their money. They understand their buying and spending habits, behaviors, and they watch the money come in and go out.

If we have some fun combining number one and two, what I’m saying is that managing your money really comes down to managing your emotional spending habits. Before making a purchase, ask yourself what emotional experience am I trying to extract from it. Is that experience worth its cost? Many times it does, but you might be surprised how many times, it’s not.

  • The third law of income states that A-B=C. A is your assets (income you bring in each month) minus your “B,” which is your bills (monthly expenses) which equals your “C,” cash on hand. Interestingly what gives you the feeling of financial safety or certainty is not your total net worth. It’s positive cash flow. Your net worth is not likely to give you a feeling of financial safety is you have a negative cash flow month after month. Your emotions are tied to your cash flow.

If you ask most people who are struggling, which they would rather do, make more money or cut expenses in order to have more money, most will say, “Make more money.” There is a fundamental challenge with this psychology: Your spending habits will always grow in proportion to your income! That is why rock stars, movie stars, and entertainers with millions go broke.

So whether you take in $80 K or $500 K a year, it’s what you clear that brings you that feeling of satisfaction; a feeling of financial safety. If your cash outflow is greater than your cash inflow month after month, you will live with the feeling of scarcity, anxiety or stress. You will continually yearn for more money without ever feeling truly secure.

That’s true no matter how much money you make and whether it’s in your personal life or your business.

Take Control of Your Life

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My daughter was telling me that other day that it seemed an eternity going from 6 to 7 years old. For me on the other hand, the older I get the faster time flies by. As things move faster and faster in life, finding a balance between work, health, finances and career becomes harder and harder. It is easy to start feeling powerless and out of control.
It is easy to blame feeling out of control on the events and circumstances of life; the boss is too demanding and does not care, the kids’ activities after school are just too much, or stress from your relationship causes you to overeat and drink.  
There are always two ways to take back control of your life. 
The first is to shift your procedures and take control by changing the events and circumstances of life. A person can change jobs to get a new boss, sign the kids up for one less extracurricular activity next season, or join Weight Watchers and start counting points. These procedural changes we all know how to do, but still have a hard time implementing. Most people know what to do, they just don’t do it. 
Your second option?  Change your perception. “Changing perception” involves changing the way a person thinks.  All learning, change, and behavioral shifts happen at the unconscious level. 
Asking yourself better questions and adopting a different identity will help change your own perceptions of who you are and what you believe. The above examples of being stressed presuppose an identity that a person who can’t handle the stressors of life.  If they wanted to, one could choose to adopt different beliefs, such as, “The more energy I put out, the stronger I become”, “The busier I am, the more organized and the more efficient I become”,  “I thrive on life’s challenges: the faster life goes, the more momentum I have”, or “It is good to have a full life of opportunity.”
Implementing new procedures can change your life, and many times, that is precisely what is needed.  But sometimes, the solution lies in changing your perceptions of your identity and adopting a different internal beliefs system.  Those new beliefs are what will allow you to take control of your life!  
What is a more empowering identity and belief that you can adopt? Are there some areas of your life where you need to change your procedures?  Are there some areas of your life where you need to shift your perceptions? 
I look forward to hearing your response and comments! 
To your continued success,

Set Bigger Goals This Year!!!

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Overcoming obstacles is in our make up!January is a time when memberships to local gyms skyrocket, New Year’s Resolutions are made, and peoples’ attention shifts to what they want to achieve in the next year.

Most people get excited about setting goals but few maintain that excitement through February and March.

I have a favorite saying: “When you set a goal, you automatically put all of your obstacles in place.” That part is not as exciting since the bigger the goals, the bigger the obstacles.

 

But, what if overcoming obstacles could be exciting?

 

What could a person achieve then?

What if people were made to overcome obstacles?

What if it was our natural instinct?

What if it was really all about overcoming obstacles to have a great life instead of achieving the goals?

The loggerhead turtle is only about two inches long at birth. It is stuck at the bottom of a hole two to three feet deep in the sand. It has to find a way out of the shell, past 40-60 other turtles, and dig upwards in the sand to open air. After it reaches the top of the hole, it has to orient itself to the water and travel up to 50 yards to get to the surf. Then, it is washed back up onto the beach an average of three times before it makes it out to sea. And that’s on a good night; If they don’t make it to the water before the sun comes up, they can become dehydrated and bake on the beach, get disoriented and go inland, or become breakfast for seagulls, vultures, and large fish. Less than 1% of all hatchlings will make it to adulthood. And yet, they can’t help but meet every challenge with excitement. As they make it to the ocean, they actually speed up!

It is that excitement that allows humans to feel alive, get strong, build confidence, and achieve greatness. It is how the 4-minute mile barrier was broken, the space shuttle was developed, the Berlin Wall came down, and the pyramids were made. It is how you learned to crawl, walk, and read this letter. People are preprogrammed to thrive on obstacles, overcome them, and have dynamic lives as a result.

It is not how long a turtle lives that makes a difference in life, but the difference he makes by living every second of life. Living a true life means living a life of overcoming obstacles to achieve and become more. It is a part of our natural instinct. Success in life is directly proportional to the obstacles that are overcome. So set some bigger goals this year! Set some fantastic obstacles for yourself!

Set your goals and reach them! What is Goal setting was exciting?

Loggerhead Turtles hatchlings.  Kiawah Island, SC.  Chances of seeing them hatch…one in a million!

How to save a Drowning Rat!

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Would you be interested in knowing “HOW” to save a drowning rat?

There has not been much positive news for the past couple of years. The media seems intent on presenting everything noteworthy that is the opposite of empowering or positive.  …unemployment, foreclosures, budget cuts; it’s all around us.  Even putting the media aside, when we look at our personal lives, at our neighbors, family or friends, it’s clear that for many this is a stressful time.

By now, you probably want to quit reading this and get back to the news – after all, it is more cheery than my Thought of the Week! My mood is becoming depressed just writing about this. However, I may have a suggestion that may help us all cope with the negativity, But how does this relate to saving a drowning rat?

There was an experiment conducted where scientists put a single rat in a container it could not get out of and then filled it with water. They placed the container in a completely dark room, and timed how long the rat swam before it drowned. How long do you think it swam? Well, it lasted a little more than 3 minutes.

For the second part of the experiment, they placed a rat in the same container in the same room with the same water level, but this time they had a bright beam of light shine into the darkness for the rat to see. Guess how long the rat lasted before it finally drowned? This time it swam for over 36 hours.

When I was in US Army Airborne School, the Army Chaplain said a prayer with us before we loaded up for our first parachute jump. He stated that we had nothing to worry about, as the jump field we were about to fly over was the most holy place in Georgia. According to the chaplain, more people prayed flying over that small piece of land than anywhere else in the state. He encouraged us to add our little part to the holiness of the jump field site.

In life, if someone wants the identity of being an honest person, they have to experience a moment where the opportunity to steal is present and choose not too. If you want to be a person who is able to find new opportunities as we work through the changes in our world right now, you are going to be tested. We are all being tested, NOW.

It is hope, faith, and optimism that keep us from giving up when things seem hopeless, that keep us believing in opportunity and the promise for a better tomorrow. That is what brings us through dark times when we feel like we are swimming for our very survival. That is what makes the difference between making it 3 minutes or 36 hours, 3 days or 36 days, 36 weeks or the next 36 years. A person of faith is such because they have been tested and overcome. That is what gives you the courage to jump into a new experience, be a person of character, and keep swimming when everything around you seems dark.

What is the beam of light that gives you hope, faith, and optimism? Now is the time, more than ever, to feed your mind positive messages, drop on your knees and say a prayer, do whatever you can that will strengthen your sense of faith and hope for a better tomorrow.

There are always two things we can focus on; the darkness or the light. Engage in finding new opportunities. Engage your mind in what is bright and good. In order to focus on the light we need to engage our sense of hope and faith in a better tomorrow. I know you can last a lot longer than you think. Keep Swimming.