What did you see?

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What did you see?

Isn’t it interesting how two people can share a life event together and come away with two different experiences?

In the last few months, Emmanuelle and I have been touring our local charter and public schools in preparation for Isabelle’s entry in Kindergarten. As we were touring one of the public school playgrounds, we saw about a half dozen trailers in back of the school. As we passed, Emmanuelle and I looked at them and thought, “It must be horrible to have a trailer for your 4th and 5th grade classroom? It would be cramped, isolated from the school and hot in the summer months.”

As if she had been listening and reading the parents minds, the school guide informed us that the upper level classes loved the trailers. They saw them as a rite of passage growing up from the younger kids and took a lot of pride in them. As if on cue, kids poured out of the trailers to change classes. They were laughing, joking, and having fun. Their attitudes reflected exactly what the guide had just stated!

This week, Isabelle hit another milestone. She discovered that she could be dropped off at the front door of her kindergarten school, “like a big girl” so that Emmanuelle and I would not have to walk her in. As she stood proud in her newfound independence, it was all that I could do to keep a smile on my face and be happy for her. She is our last child and I love every last walk into school with her. I was already missing that big, goodbye hug at her classroom door.

One of the greatest gifts we have in life is to choose what meaning to attach to the events that shape our lives. How you choose to label an experience and the meaning you attach to it will directly impact the quality of your emotional health and life.

The way to work through any disempowering emotional state is to ultimately put an empowering meaning towards it. This is a very common pattern in movies. The hero/heroine’s mentor or right hand man dies and as they speak their last words they utter, “Be true to yourself, fight for what is right, and help those less fortunate than you.” or, “don’t let me die for nothing, catch that bad guy.” In that emotional moment, the hero has a choice to attach an empowering meaning to the event, it motivates the main character to overcome life’s problem, and achieve more greatness than they ever thought was possible.

How can you turn loss into gain, pain into pleasure? Put an empowering meaning to it! I love to see Isabelle’s independence as she grows up because in 10 years when the boys start calling, that independence will be a very important trait for me to rely on. The confidence and pride that students feel by “moving up” and earning the right to have a “higher” social status will serve them well as they make the transitions to Middle School, High School and College. That is how confidence and self worth are born, bred and raised. I hope you continue to see things differently this week and find more empowering meanings for your life experiences.

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"Two Roads Converged…"

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“Two Roads Converged…”

Last week, I had the distinct pleasure of taking Isabelle to school. As we came up to the stoplight leading out of our neighborhood, the line was very long and I guessed that it would take about 3 light changes before we would be able to turn left onto the main street. We were looking at a ten minute wait in line which meant she would be late for school.

Instinct took over and I quickly merged into the right hand lane. I drove past the long line of cars straight up to the light. At this point, the only way for us to go was the “wrong” way. We had to turn right instead of left, which took us farther away from her school. Isabelle immediately realized we were going the wrong direction and asked, “Daddy, why are we were going the “wrong” way?”

I turned right, drove 100 yards and turned around in a different neighborhood entrance. Almost immediately, I was able to make the left hand turn onto the main street going towards Isabelle’s school. As I drove, I explained to Isabelle that I was taking a “secret short cut” to school and even though it seemed like the “wrong” way, sometimes going the opposite way of everyone else was quicker. We would have to experiment and see if it was true. In this case, it was true, much to her delight. She even waved at the line of cars as we passed them, who were still waiting for the light to turn green.

A similar experience occurred at the Atlanta airport last Friday. I was waiting for my return flight and needed to stretch my legs one last time before boarding time. As I walked farther and farther down the terminal wing away from the main hub, I noticed that not only did the people traffic lighten up but the drink prices for Coke and water dropped with every store. It was also amazing that the Coke prices were lower than the water prices. Isn’t it ironic how what is better for you is sometimes more expensive and what seems easier, less expensive and more convenient is sometimes not as good for you?

In today’s world, with the media news, business forecasts, stock market news, and radio ads, you may need to get away from the mainstream, take a walk away from the mainstream to where it is not as crowded. It is good to notice where opportunity lies and more often than not, it will be away from popular idealism. Making a little bit better investment on what you are feeding your mind, body and spirit can make a big difference in your health. It can also provide you the edge that will make a small difference in your life today and a very BIG difference in your life in the long run. Make the investment in yourself that will yield results for you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. If you take the initiative to walk a little farther away from the crowds you may be surprised at the deals you will find.

This morning Isabelle asked me if we were taking the “secret short cut” to school. It took me a moment to understand that she had changed her association from us going to school the “wrong” way to the “secret short cut” way. Separate yourself from the rest of the people who are waiting in line for something different to happen. That is the secret to getting ahead. All of the answers you need to overcome any challenge in your life right now are out there waiting for you. Be courageous, brave and try going the “wrong” way once in a while. We will see you at the “secret short cut” turnaround and we’ll be sure and wave “Hi!”

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Simon Says…

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Many years ago when I first started watching an occasional episode of American Idol, I was shocked, speechless, and sometimes stunned by what “Simon says.” However, I have watched many episodes since then and out of all of the judges, I look forward to his feedback the most.

As a member of Toastmaster’s, nothing bummed me out more than receiving a speech evaluation of, “You are so much better than me so I don’t even know what to say,” or “you are so good, I can never find anything to say bad about your speech.” All that I heard was, “Blah, blah, blah.” That feedback was extremely ineffective and meaningless to me. I imagine the evaluator felt they were cheering me up and making me feel good. Many times, I left the meeting questioning how good or poor my performance was.

So there I was last night in front of my bathroom mirror, brushing my teeth, and thinking, “What would Simon say?” I had lost 5 pounds about a month ago and had not gone up or down since then. I stopped exercising due to some serious chest congestion but had not made any further progress. As I pinched the bit around my waist and turned sideways, I gave myself a Simon, American Idol, reality check. My long term goal was not being met and even though I have a million reasons, “why,” my waist and self image were staying the same. That direct feedback did NOT leave me with a good feeling.

When a person stops and evaluates the situation they are in, there are always two ways to look at it. When I looked at myself in the mirror, it was a great time to acknowledge what was great about the situation. I was down 5 pounds, had not gained it back, and was having this painful discussion with myself! However, with an honest long term evaluation of where I was now and where I want to be this summer when I take off my shirt at the beach, there was clearly more progress that needed to be made. I was still able to pinch more than an inch and it was hard to stomach! Truthful feedback, even when it is not what we want it to be, engages our levels of emotion and motivation which allows us to keep working towards our goals or get frustrated, give up, and quit.

In that painful moment a profound decision was made. I recommitted to my goal and vision of being on the beach. The next morning I was running again and making better food choices. In Toastmasters’, I found some good honest “Simon says” evaluators and engaged them to give me honest, direct, and blunt feedback after the meetings on my performance. I have a newfound appreciation for my new version of “Simon says…”

If you are stuck in a place without much motivation, the first thing you can do is to give yourself some direct “Simon says” feedback. Get real and evaluate your performance today in relationship to what it takes to “be the next American Idol.” Evaluate your current performance to what it will take to win the whole competition. It will show you where you can grow and be more instead of becoming complacent and feeling good where you are. After all, having watched several seasons of American Idol, Simon has always been right.